The bite of the slow loris is toxic, if they want it to be.
Loris poison is delivered via noxious glands in their armpits.
The poison is of the flesh-eating variety, so some slow lorises walk around with half melted faces.
(Nature is so fucking gross.)
The fastest lava flow ever officially recorded was only six miles-per-hour, a slow jog or brisk walk.
But theres a catch.
No one can outrun that.
People can run for hours and hours nonstop, where other animals have to take breathers more frequently.
Do whatever, because theyre probably going to kill you if they get you to the new place.
This is the conventional, often-repeated wisdom about random attacks.
Ants
Most ants are just annoying, but some arenasty.
Thankfully, thats rare.
Only three fatalities have been attributed to this aggressive insect species since 1936.
But even though you probably wont die from an ant attack, they can be extremely painful.
Luckily, you might successfully run away from an ant.
Usually running wont help, though.
Ant bites come from not realizing the ants are sneaking up on you until its too late.
Dont let that stop you from disturbing an hill of attack ants and running away though.
Its a great prank on em.
Spiders
The fastest spider, the giant house spider, moves at 1.2 mph.
Spiders are generally sprinters too, and need to take breaks frequently when moving at top speeds.
The problem with spiders is that they dont usually engage in out-and-out footraces.
it’s possible for you to run away and free yourself through physical distance.
Just dont answer the texts or emails and youll be good most of the time.
If youre guilty of something serious, how much is man extra misdemeanor going to matter?
But remember: Cops have guns, and you cant outrun a bullet.
So dont run from the cops.
Creditors
Im stretching the definition of run here, but you might at leastoutlastyour creditors.
Its also sometimes the only choice you have, if youre broke, because Capitalism is heartless.
You dont want that, because they can collect through garnishing your wages or taking your assets.
Then look up your state laws to see how long you have to deal with this nonsense.
When the collection agency calls (and they will, repeatedly), do not pick up the phone.
If you accidentally do, do not admit the debt is yours.
All of these actions can restart the clock.
Dont be intimidated by legal threats, either, if youre sure its not worth it to sue you.
And dont be surprised if creditors call your friends and family and askthemto tell you to pay your debts.
If youve successfully waited out your creditors, be aware that they can still have a go at collect.
They just cant harass you or threaten you with legal action.
