You dont have the time, energy, budget, or willpower to execute a good Halloween costume.

(Disclaimer: I cant be held responsible for all the eye rolls these might earn you.)

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Everyone loves internet jokes!

Iron Man:Wear sign or a name tag that reads Fe (the periodic symbol for iron).

This is very funny.

A conflicted sports fan:Don a bunch of competing team logos.

A hip-pea:Not a tie-dye hippie.

Wear all green, like a pea.

Make a bunch of hip references all night, e.g.

So…this election is crazy, right?

Whenever someone points it out, throw your hands up and scream,I didnt do it!

Donald Trump’s moral compass:Great option when you dont want to show up to the party.

A slutty mummy:Wrap yourself in toilet paper, but only partially.

WFH:Wear a professional top and pajama bottoms.

Really sell it by carrying around your laptop and talking about how weird your wifi has been lately.

Chip on your shoulder:Place a potato chip on your shoulder.

This one works best with salt and vinegar chips, because salt and vinegar is the best chip flavor.

Undercover ______:The key to being undercover is blending in.

Because you’re undercover.

Identity thief:Wear a name tag with someone elses name.

Spice girl:Carry around some cinnamon.

Or, if youre feeling really fancy, a spice blend.

and wrap yourself in a blanket.

When life gives you lemons:Wear a sign that says life and hand out lemons.

To put in a little effort, wear a sign that says blessing and then wear a fake mustache.

A procrastinator:Done!

A werewolf:There isnt a full moon this Halloween, so you’re good to go.

Any one ofJims costumesfromThe Office.

Damian fromMean Girls:Tug that sweatshirt hood over your head and practice saying She doesnt even go here.

A cool tourist:Wear your sneakers, take some pictures, and act like a local.

A thief:Oh, do you think a thief has to have a certain look?

If you really want to commit to the bit, snag some of your kids candy for show.

Post-therapy session:Wet your eyes and carry around a box of tissues.

If youre really committed, actually schedule therapy for immediately before your party.

An Olympic athlete:But the Olympics were decades ago and you’ve let yourself go.

A superheros alter-ego:But you’re actually dedicated to keeping your identity a secret.

(Hope no supervillains crash the party.)

Your ex-: Wear a trash bag and attach assorted pieces of garbage.

Because your ex- is trash, am I right?

This story was updated on October 30, 2024 with additional costumes.