Below, the eight signs that mediation might not be right for you.
You are not okay with the other person being okay.
Mediation requires that both people wish each other well, says Green.
The goal is that everybody is okay at the end of it.
And, obviously, they have to be willing to consider yours.
You cant accept the other partys view of reality.
She was not at all willing to consider his perspective.
What I came to understand was fromhisperspective, he was an abused husband.
So it was very eye-opening for me.
The couple ended up not settling in mediation.
You are not able to advocate for yourself.
Green says, This is explicitly contrary to New York legislative policythe kids shouldnt be bargained for the money.
So if this is you, get an attorney to advise you on the side.
Which you should probably do anywayGreen notes that most people who come to mediation have consulting lawyers.
It was a violent relationship.
If there was abuse in the marriage, you are not an appropriate case for mediation.
(He wouldnt do it.)
Youre in a hurry.
Time is an important element in divorce, says Green.
They were co-parenting their kids according to the agreement, but moved no further along on their divorce.
And then they were ready and did their property settlement pretty quickly and we finished up the divorce.
Getting the divorce doesnt actually fix it.
So time can be a useful tool for couples who dont want to have a litigated divorce.
You dont actuallywantto settle in mediation.
People who are even willing to try are good candidates.
It starts to subtly shift your thinking about the issue.
You want the other party to lose, even if you dont win anything.
You have a lot of money and want to burn it.
Thats a fantasy that is still held by many people.
Still want to try mediation?
Check out the primer on mediated divorces, and talk to an attorney.
And keep an open mind about the process, even if feelings are running high right now.
Hey, if that Tinder wife can get over it, theres hope for all of us.
