You read the first few words and begin to worry: Is your boss mad?
You keep reading, and its trueshes really steamed.
This post originally appeared onThe Muse.
Luckily, theres a simple four-step plan to win oversomeone whos angryin a professional and simple way.
Thats because one of the most common mistakes people make is to immediately go on the defensive.
You know the habit of making up excuses as to why you shouldnt be blamed, right?
Instead, pause for a moment and realize that the other persons experiencing an emotion.
Lets say your co-worker feels that you threw her under the bus in front of your boss.
Ask yourself: Whats going through her mind?
Start the sentence with you rather than I.
Original Approach:That was not my fault
New Approach: Youre upset, I totally understand.
You probably felt that [insert scenarios from visualization].
Personally, it has always helped me when dealing with conflicts at work.
as honestly as possible.
By providing a reason, youre much more likely to gain compliance.
In a classic experimentby Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer, subjects asked to cut in line for the copy machine.
They tested whether giving a reason as to why they were cutting would make any difference.
Heres the result: When someone simply said Excuse me, I have five pages.
May I use the Xerox machine?
60% of people allowed her to cut.
But when a person said Excuse me, I have five pages.
May I use the Xerox machine because Im in a rush?
the success rate climbed to 94%!
The lesson is that when you share the because, people are more likely to be on your side.
In some situations it may be worthwhile to apologize, but it can vary.
Dont default to apologizing unless you mean it and you were really at fault.
It wasnt entirely your fault.
Nevertheless, hes upset his edits didnt make it in.
Your suggested edits were great.
Next time lets setup a 15-minute meeting before the presentation to verify were on the same page.
Ending your response in this way closes the loop.
What if there are no tangible next steps?
Dealing with an angry person can be really intimidating.
Mistakes happen, its a part of life.
What sets trusted people apart is how they handle situations when these slip-ups do occur.
Shes also a Silicon Valley executive and former founder of marriage.com.
Image byJuly Pluto(Shutterstock).
