Why dont you answer my phone calls, ever?

or Sorry, I dont have to time to hear about your promotion/mother-in-law problems/recent vacationthe baby is crying).

Obviously, there are exceptions.

I am a parent and have non-parent friends.

Well, maybe, like, one whom I still talk to regularly.

God, that makes me depressed.

But its worth itsometimes.

But that doesnt mean parents dontwantto see their non-parent friends.

They really, really do.

I will gladly cook or order in and provide wine to have adult conversation.

Just reaching out can go a long way.

It seems like a good time to make them feel remembered and special, she says.

And the more specific, the better, even if it feels weirdly rigid.

Sometimes, they wont want to go, but theyd like to be asked, at least.

And know that some people simply dont like kids.

Thats fine, tooyoull find out pretty quickly.

Holding a phone, she says, Can I call you back in five years?

Try nursing a teething baby all night!

Why is it a contest?

My statement that Im tired isnt saying, Im more tired than you.

We all have the same 24 hours in the day.

We fill them up differently.

Talk About Something Aside from the Kids

What should parents and non-parents talk about?

The children, sure, a little bit.

Even other parents are probably just humoring you to be polite.

And then open up the conversation to anythingliterallyanythingelse.

Parenthood in general is not a crisis.

There are other real crises, and sometimes non-parents have them.

I got no such consideration when things got tough for me, she writes.

When my mom passed away, or when my dad got cancer, where were my parent friends?

They complained that I didnt make time for them.

So, naturally, those people are no longer on my list of people I would spend effort on.

LP writes, Im genuinely interested in my friends who are parents.

I want to hear about their baby.

And they want to hear about all the non-baby things Im doing.

But once someone doesnt have an interest in the others life it doesnt work.

I dont hold it against her at all.

But our friendship is not the same.

Some years, the only contact was a holiday card and an occasional phone call, she writes.