While trying to write this article, Ive had to shuffle a toddler off my lap about 57 times.
It would be fair to say we have a boundary issue in our household.
Its something Im working on.
Children, of course, need boundaries for acceptable behavior for their own sense of security.
But parents need boundaries, too.
But where do you start if you have not been setting firm boundaries from the beginning?
I spoke with Jamie Glowacki, a parenting expert and author of the forthcoming bookOh Crap!
I Have a Toddler.
Heres what I learned about introducing new family limits.
Pick the area of parenting where you feel permissiveness isnt effective for you, Glowacki says.
The bedtime routine is usually a big one.
Whatever the boundary is, commit to holding it.
You must be on the same page as your parenting partner.
This commitment, as we know, can be quite a challenge.
Can you relate to this scenario?
When I firmly correct my toddler for hitting or hair-pulling, she laughs.
I tell her that this is no joke, that her behavior is not okay.
She raises her hand to hit again.
I catch it mid-strike and repeat our family rule about hitting.
She throws herself on the floor in a dramatic tearful display.
I wonder if Ive been too rigid.
Glowacki warns against the urge to spare our children all negative feelings.
We rush to fix any negative emotion that comes out of the child, she says.
Your childsdevelopmental jobright now is to test those limits.
Boundaries are like emotional swaddling; they keep your child emotionally safe.
Your little one is going to have to check and recheck that you are serious about this.
Boundaries are like emotional swaddling; they keep your child emotionally safe.
Demands on parents energy grow with each new activity and social circle.
I asked Glowacki how we can set boundaries while still building community.
The setting doesnt matterschool plays, bake sales, PTA, sports teams.
yo ask me again.
Draw a line between work and family
Work is another area of life that demands boundaries.
But what if your work is at home?
Parents who work from home face special challenges in protecting their work time and space fromlittle intruders.
Doors make great boundaries.
Finally, be clear with your manager, co-workers, and employees about yourparenting obligations.
And thats what happens when we let our boundaries be stepped over.
Andthatswhat I see in most parents I work with.
Theres no need for heroic self-sacrifice to accommodate everyone elses needs when you are a parent.
So decide where your lines are and be resolute in holding them.
