The nicest thing it’s possible for you to say to your friend is Fuck you!
Polite is good, its how strangers and acquaintances and fellow professionals keep things running smoothly.
But it has limits.
To be polite is to maintain distance.
Its the tiny apologies we whisper when we accidentally brush against a stranger.
Its the dear that starts an email and the sincerely that closes it.
Its the invasive questions we dont ask during small talk.
Dropping the politeness is an honor.
It doesnt mean being a dick.
It means you trade hello for hey.
You pee with the door open and you poop when your partners at home.
You ask Are you two planning to have children?
because youre close friends and they could ask the same of you.
You let them pick up the check sometimes.
It doesnt mean you start being a dickno, it means yourenicerto the other person.
All the pretenses you drop, they drop too.
You let them ask you nosy questions.
You let them impose.
You still respect them, but now you also bring them closer.
CD Baby founder Derek Sivers calls itbeing meta-considerate.
Being considerate, he says, means showering someone with attention and gifts to win their love.
Being meta-considerate means treating them like your much-beloved equal, letting them chase you back.
Theres a balance, of course; theres always a balance.
Thats life, thats the basis of every sitcom, thats the dance we all play.
Would that we could all be perfect rationalists or a Star Trek planet of involuntary telepaths.
you’re free to even be meta-considerate to strangers.
you’re able to break through the polite silence to crack a joke or compliment them.
Anything that bends normal etiquetteso that you’re free to do something nice.
Hitting on a stranger, criticizing them, or getting way too nosy is not meta-considerate.
Pointing out a shortcut or waving hello to their baby is meta-considerate.
Personally I think its meta-considerate tonot say bless you,but I recognize that Im ahead of my time.
stand-off at the crosswalk.
Adjust, of course, to your comfort level.
