Your floor is dirty.
Your trashcan is overflowing.
you oughta change a light bulb and do the laundry.
Youre always busy, and bullshit household errands fall through the cracks.
Heres an idea: get drunk.
But those lowered inhibitions can also help you get tedious or unpleasant jobs done.
You just have to prepare.
The trick is to do as much prep as you’re able to while youre sober.
Do all the procrastination stuff, like buying supplies and getting out the mop andanything butthe actual chore.
Set them all up where your drunk self can see them.
Its the write drunk, edit sober of chores.
Dont plan too hard, dont build up to it and make an obligation.
I dont care, you tease yourself.
I just put these things out for myself.
Do what you want.
Get yourself the right kind of drunk.
Figure out your own personal style.
When Im drunk enough to tell lies like, You and I should hang out more!
I know Im in the mood toimprove my lifebefore the booze wears off.
You sublimate all that drunk energy
When youre drunk, you dont want the night to end.
Going to bed is forlosers, you think.
So you look for the after-after-after-party, you text your friends still out??
?, you text your ex you up???
You embarrass yourself because you dont have a healthy place to put all that energy.
Put that energy into scrubbing down your bathroom.
If you do have company, rope them into it.
Get your tall friend to change the lightbulb.
Or initiate the chore-doing attheirhome, help them out, fix their kitchen cabinet, sweep the hall.
Youre allowed to bully your friends about their dirty apartment if youre drunkenly cleaning it.
Youre so proud of yourself.
You feel amazing
Have you ever cleaned up after a partyon the night of the party?
Do you remember the morning after, how thankful you were to yourself?
How wide open your day felt, extra hours for brunch and recovery?
Your body, your temple, still paid the price, but your castle did not.
The kitchen was clean, the coffee machine was full and ready to be turned on.
You could walk all the way to the shower without stepping on beer residue.
Now just do that without a party.
Think of how far youll get ahead.
And place it in the recycling bin.
