Once, when my son was three years old, I took him to an indoor bounce house park.
An hour of jumping and sliding and bouncing didnt tire him out the way Id hoped, though.
It only made him ready for another hour.
In the meantime, my son was flat-out refusing to leave.
He had a look on his face that Id seen many times before.
Dude didnt want to go, so dude wasnt going to go.
Okay, lady, sure.
Why dontyougive it a try?
By age four, his ability to negotiate for what he wanted was downright impressive.
So, that stubbornness pays off later.
Instead of trying to break their strong will, we can learn how to embrace it.
That book taught me how to reframe what I had viewed as stubbornness into tenacity.
Strong-willed kids often also look like perfectionists.
But as psychologist and author Dr. Laura Markham writes atAha!
Parenting, they really crave mastery.
Let her take charge of as many of her own activities as possible.
Dont nag at her to brush her teeth; ask
What else do you oughta do before we leave?
I saw you pack your backpack, thats terrific!
Now, what do you still need to do before we leave?
Kids who feel more independent and in charge of themselves will have less need to be oppositional.
Not to mention, they take responsibility early.
Tenacious kids need to feel heard, so listen to them.
They need to feel understood, so seek out their point of view.
And they need to feel in control, so give them choices when you’re able to.
That just increases their resistance, because their integrity wont let them back down just because theyre being threatened.
None of this means that your strong-willed child should fire off the showof course they need limits.
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