Evil Week: How to Insult Your Enemies in a Classy Way

Welcome to Evil Week, our annual dive into all the slightly sketchy hacks wed usually refrain from recommending.

Weve got all the info you gotta be successfully unsavory.

So you have an enemy, and you gotta knock them down a peg.

The key to insulting your enemies is doing it with some style.

Anyone can whip up some crass, problematic, or otherwise offensive remark.

A good insult should be more cutting than brute force.

You want to dig at them, get under their skinnot beat them over the head with your shovel.

This isnt to spare your enemys feelings, but to protect your own interests.

If you come at your enemy too sloppily, everyone will turn against you.

Heres some guiding tips and tricks for insulting your enemies more effectively.

Punch up

As a stand-up in NYC, Ive done several roast battles.

Unless youre queer and subverting the form, its punching down.

When I say punch up, I mean it two ways.

Dont rely on racism, sexism, transphobia, or any other sort of hateful rhetoric.

Secondly, punch up your own jokes.

Dont blurt out the first bottled-up insult you think of.

Get specific and interesting with it.

Lets say you walk up to your enemy and say you look like shit today!

This makes you look, well,simple.

Everyone can see how much you wanted to hurt your enemy, and how aimlessly you did it.

Instead, try something that will get in their head.

I love how you dont ever care what you look like.

I could never wear something like that, but good for you!

You sure did get a haircut.

Your laugh is so distinct!

Its so admirable, how hard youre always trying.

Hey, can you speak at the same volume as everyone else?

Are you feeling all right?

You look like you didnt sleep a wink last night.

I dont care what anyone else says, Im really glad youre here.

Its true, and everyone has been thinking it about them this whole time.

I recommend watchingthis compilation of insults form Successionfor inspiration.

When in doubt, most people fear irrelevance.

Unfortunately, specificity can quickly spiral into trying too hard.

And in most cases, your best defense is seeming like you dont care about your enemy at all.

As soon as you seem like you care, youve lost.

A one-on-one interaction could be more intense, but easily misconstrued in a retelling.

Plus, with an audience, you might even get some allies to chime in with you.

A good zinger is much better whispered in passing than screenshotted over Slack.

With text especially, you lose a lot of control over tone.

You intended it as a compliment, right?

How generous of you.