Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
Here are four clever psychological tricks to turn them into allies.
Sometimes evil is justified, and other times, knowing evil means knowing how to beat it.
Check out our evil week tag page.
How to Identify Your Enemies
Its possible to find enemies anywhere in your life.
Identifying your enemies isnt always an open and shut case, however.
Real enemies arent usually cartoon villains that cackle as they reveal their master plan.
Instead, they can hide in plain sight.
An ally needs to see that the benefits of supporting you outweigh the benefits of going against you.
And in the grand scheme of life, the more allies you have, the better.
AsDobronsky explains, its possible for an enemy to dislike you simply because they do not know you.
And if you continue to play the enemy, they never will.
If you continue acting adversarial, theyll keep pushing back no matter what tricks you have up your sleeve.
So grit your teeth, bite your lip, and start acting cordial.
Say their name, and their title if applicable, whenever you speak or write to them.
Theyll eat it up.
If they get excited about something, you get excited about something.
If they like to use their hands when they talk, get your arms moving.
Find (or create) common interests: People like others who have something in common with them.
Do your homework and find something to connect you both.
If nothing seems to line up, and youre feeling dastardly, find something they like and latch on.
If you feel one coming on, take a stab at back out.
Repeat back what they say: When they say something that seems important, repeat it back to them.
When you do your enemy a favor without being asked,you prime them for reciprocity later.
That sounds an awful lot like the start of an alliance, right?
The more stressful their situation is, the more thankful theyll be for your helping hand.
you could also prime them for a favor by discreetly giving them a gift.
When did everyone get so cynical?
Just double-check what you ask of them is so simple its an offer they cant refuse.
Consider it from your adversarys perspective.
Say you have an in-law that you cant seem to win over, for example.
Instead, he found out where Gunning liked to eat and took him there for lunch.
I was letting him know that I understood his worth, Clendenin says of this contextual redirection.
I didnt put you in this position, Clendenin said.
Xerox put us both in this position.
With this method, you suddenly become their comrade in the fight against whoever or whatever.
If your in-law hates a certain sports team, find a way to hate them too.
If theyre always complaining about their cable provider, join them in airing your grievances.
Once youve identified some common ground, your new-found ally will focus their negative energy elsewhere.
And that can make visiting the family a whole lot more manageable.
Use any opportunities you’re free to to show your enemy that others around you actually like you.
It will eventually get back to the receiver.
I
conform
by doing likewise.
Illustration by Jim Cooke.
