InTheWashington Post, Jennifer Bannan wrote about what happened when her 6-year-old son Cypresslost his father to cancer.
Are you learning to read?
or Hes really getting good at the guitar.
This throw in of deflection is common, my friend Michelle Enriquez tells me.
People often have misguided intentions when they see a grieving child.
Our initial response is, How do I make them feel better?
But sometimes theress nothing we can say to make them feel betterand thats not even our job.
Heres how to show up for kids who grieving.
Both can be problematic.
However, respect that we are not religious.
just, just, just do not tell Brianna that I am in heaven.
In her mind, that means that I chose to be somewhere else and left her.
kindly dont confuse her and let her think for one second that is not true.
Because, I am not in heaven.
But no longer in the crappy body that turned against me.
My energy, my love, my laughter, those incredible memories, its all here with you.
I know what youre going through is a tricky one.
Every loss is so unique to the person grieving it.
There, a counselor told him, I know exactly what youre going through.
Michael, feeling like heart was finally lifted, said, Your mom died, too?
The counselor replied, Well … no.
Michael was so angry and hurt that he ran out of the room.
This is terrible what has happened to you.
You have lost someone very special.
They need to hear that, just as adults do.
Michelle says adults can help kids work through their emotions by asking them questions.
For example, if the child asks, Do you think my dad is in heaven?
you might answer with, Well, do you think your dad is in heaven?
and then maybe the child will say, Yes, I do.
Kids arent looking for answerstheyre looking for an outlet.
Using firm language is an important part of helping them through the acceptance stage.
But its okay to not be okay.
Tell kids that however theyre feeling is exactly how they should be feeling.
Its okay for them to cry, and for you to cry with them.
