Have Sex 'Micro Talks' With Your Kid

In the history of parenting, there might be nothing more dreaded than The Sex Talk.

Masturbation, nocturnal emissions, menstrual cycles, how to use condomsnobody wants an awkward lecture on these topics.

I remember once joking with my mom about douching after seeing a commercial on television.

She then took on a super serious tone and started to explain vaginal hygiene.

I am not sure Ive yet to recover.

But how do you go about it with feeling like youre busting into a private life without an invitation?

And how do you cover the always-changing environment in which teens are living?

I suggest micro conversations numbering in the hundreds across years of young adulthood.

How to you engage in a micro chat?

You look for moments in your everyday communication with your children to bring up important sex-related topics.

The approach keeps your kids informed without having the stress of a single face-to-face onslaught of facts.

Here are four ways to use micro conversations to broach the tough topics related to sex.

I see a girl with a hickey on her neck.

So, I say, Hey, Em, do you see the red spot on the girls neck?

Do you know what that is?

He had no idea.

I explained how people can make hickeys.

When he asked why someone would do that, it opened up the conversation about young relationships.

Another time, I was watching a reality program with my daughter.

There was a boyfriend who was becoming controlling with increasing levels of anger and even some violence.

I asked her if she would be concerned if her partner acted like the boyfriend on the show.

We both expressed concerns for the girl in the relationship, and then discussed intimate partner abuse.

Read what teenagers are reading

Young adult novels are not just for kids.

When I readReconstructing Ameliaby Kimberly McCreight, I was shocked and distraught about everything I was reading.

Surely, this throw in of teen life is exaggerated.

Turns out my daughter wasnt shocked.

Because she had already seen glimpses of suicide, hazing and same-sex attraction.

Reading that book allowed me to talk about those issues in a very real but not uncomfortable way.

Every day theres a story that can be discussed over dinner.

Talk about the Brock Turner verdict and the latest #MeToo story.

Bring up a recent study showing sexting with teens is on the rise.

Theres an endless stream of topics.

Just google teen and the subject of your choice.

Sure, theyd rather watchAmericas Got Talent.

But they sit through these movies and then the conversations begin and flow for days.

My daughter and I watchedAudrie & Daisy, a film about date rape in high school.

Starting a sex-related conversation with children at any age isnt easy, even in micro doses.

If it doesnt go well at first, no worries.

Just loop back and try another time.

Eventually it does become easier as teens become accustomed to talking about a wide range of issues.