Not all advice need be professional.
Luckily for you, Im that guy.
Welcome back to Tough Love.
What do you do when youre going to have to spend multiple days with this person?
Can you avoid them?
Note: Im a columnist, not a therapist or certified healthcare professional.
My advice should be interpreted with that in mind.
If you have a problem with anything I say,file a complaint here.Now, let us begin.
Hi Sam,
For the last seven years, I have been happily estranged from my brother.
I have been so happy not to have to deal with him any
more.
His hair-trigger temper had everyone walking on eggshells.
Because he has many weapons, I slowly closed the door on him and havent spoken to him since.
I dont like him.
I dont enjoy his company and see no reason to have a go at repair this relationship.
I don
t wish him ill,
but I really dont want anything to do with him.
However that son is getting married and will undoubtedly invite my brother to his destination wedding.
The thought of having to spend a week around my asshole brother sets my teeth on edge.
Having my idiot brother there will assuredly cast a pall over the party.
But my brother doesnt have the capacity to learn or understand or apologize.
It makes no sense to engage him on any level as far as Im concerned.
But destination weddings throw everyone together for a few days of intense interaction.
I dont see how I can avoid him.
How do I handle this?
Do I stay offsite?
Walk the other way when I see him coming?
He has also spoiled several holidays by throwing wild accusations at my sister and stalking out in a fury.
So how I do I successfully negotiate this forced proximity?
Instead, he hurls his anguish onto other people in the form of psychological abuse.
No wonder you want to avoid himbut how?
It also sounds like youll have the refuge of a family that largely feels the same way you do.
Hell find few, if any, allies on this trip, I imagine.
Youve mentioned his history of sulking and storming off when his tactics fail him at family events.
Hell be gone, after all.
As long as your safety isnt jeopardized, dont let him have the upper hand in any conceivable sense.
He got a sympathy invite.
He probably feels hurt and insecure that your other son didnt invite him to his wedding.
Let him feel hurt and insecure; his loathsome reputation is nobodys fault but his own.
It calls for short, one-word answers and the aversion of eye-contact.
Responding to provocation with neutrality can be really vexing, even confounding, to the aggressor.
Why not throw him off guard?
In the meantime, dont trouble yourself thinking about him too much.
He doesnt sound worth it.
Thats it for this week, but theres plenty more Tough Love to go around.
Until next time, take care of yourselves!
