The notion of downgrading or de-escalating a relationship might sound like code for breaking up.
In reality, not all relationships grow linearly.
This isnt just a step for ending a sexual or romantic relationship.
De-escalation can apply to a number of scenarios:
Going from living together to living separately.
Starting with combined finances and then deciding to manage your money separately.
Creating healthy distance in a friendship who has grown co-dependent.
Is de-escalation just a slow-motion breakup?
In a lot of cases, probably.
This isnt a bad thinga slow-motion breakup might be warranted, depending on the nature of the relationship.
For instance, most divorces move in slow-motion, given all the intricate ways a married couple is entangled.
However, not all de-escalations lead to full-on break-ups.
Its possible to successfully change the definition and boundaries of your relationship.
Are you going from lovers to friends?
Friends to business partners?
Emergencies happen, but venture to stick to whatever terms of communication you outlined initially.
How did the break feel?
Do you think youre ready to talk once a week?
If this is an in-person meeting, be on time and be willing to listen and contribute.
Expect to have a lot of feelings.You might move through anger, frustration, nostalgia, and even regret.
Keep in mind why you made the decision to step back from this relationship in the first place.
Let yourself feel what youre feeling.
You used to spend Friday nights together; what else can you do on Friday nights?
Is there a hobby you might pick back up again now that you have that extra free time?
Who do you have to talk to about your problems?
Change is hard, and it helps to have people on your side helping you power through.
Be open and honest
The de-escalation process may take time and involve multiple challenging conversations.
Focus on setting boundaries and leave little room for ambiguity.
Your connection to the other person is changing, and you deserve to grieve that loss.
