Remember when you were little and asking questions was easy?
You werent expected to know everything, and everyone understood that you would need help sometimes.
The ask has always been in you.
Heres how to ask for help as an overwhelmed parent.
There are four types of askers
Fredericks identifies four types of askers.
you’re able to take her quiz to identify your typehere.
And figuring that out can help you better ask for help when you need it.
Heres an overview of advantages, drawbacks, and tips for each punch in of aske.
The Negotiator
This asker wants everyone to be at ease and is well-prepared with attention to detail.
Their style may leave the person they ask feelingtooat ease, like the request wasnt that important after all.
I do need some flexibility Thursday, since my daughter will be home from school.
Can I work from home Thursday to finish my part, and we can finalize Friday?
Empathizers, remember you are asking on behalf of yourself, yes, but also your family group.
She can tell right away hes had a busy day and her empathy gets in the way.
She might say, I can tell youre so busy at work right now.
A better approach: I know you are having a rough day.
If not, tomorrow might be even harder.
In fact, it may not be totally clear they are asking for something.
Fredricks suggests speaking 25% of the time and listening 75%.
Be careful not to dominate with your personality, and dont bury your request in a wordy speech.
Heres an example: The Presenter hits the PTO meeting with waves, smiles, and jokes for everyone.
The Charmer
This asker captures attention with their words, story, and persuasion.
However, they may come off astoodirect.
Heres an example: The Charmer needs a new babysitter ASAP.
No big deal, but it feels kind of like a gun-to-your-head situation.
Is there anyone you would recommend?
A phone call is convenient and quick, but lacking in personal connection.
Be present.During the asking conversation, be sure to really listen to the other person and stay present.
Try this: Sentence 1: Acknowledge and empathize with the person you are asking for help.
Sentence 2: Explain why you need help.
Question: Ask how it’s possible for you to solve the need together.
For example, I appreciate you cleaning up the backyard this weekend it was so hot.
I want us to be able to spend more time out there as a family.
Would you figure out how to get us some some of those big shades for the patio?
Fredricks suggests you actually write all this down to build confidence in how youll respond.
No now is not Never later.
No now is an invitation to keep in touch with them.
No is an answer, one far better than never receiving a response.
You have a definitive answer Fredricks wrote.
They actually did you a favor.
Thinking you have to do it all by yourself is just an added stressor in the equation.
Sometimes when Im overwhelmed, just making a list of people Icouldask for help is a relief.
