How do you talk to little kids about an estrangement from a close family member?
The situation with my father-in-law is easy to explain.
I was absolutely shocked as I had not witnessed anyones parent treat them like that before.
The situation with my mother-in-law is more complicated and harder to explain to young children.
Growing up, my wife always thought she and her mother were close, and they were.
It wasnt until later that my wife realized MIL treated her more like a friend than a parent.
As an example, before MIL and FIL divorced, she began seeing another man behind his back.
This was sort of the first red flag that something was wrong in this relationship.
My FIL eventually found out about this relationship, and MIL moved out to live with her boyfriend.
As I mentioned earlier, FIL was verbally abusive to both my MIL and my wife.
His anger over his wifes infidelity only increased this, and my wife was left living alone with him.
This arrangement lasted for a couple of years until my wife and I moved in together.
She never once expressed concern or regret over my wife living alone with her horrible father.
My wife would call her mom looking to spend time together, and her mom never wanted to.
When my wife and I became engaged, her mother had a very strange reaction.
Instead of being happy, she cried, and they were not tears of happiness.
Things got even worse after we had our first child.
Throughout the pregnancy, MIL made it very clear she would prefer a granddaughter.
After our son was born, she showed very little interest in him.
She would occasionally stop by for 10 minutes, take a photo, and leave.
It seems it was all part of wanting things her way.
Life went on, and we talked to MIL less and less.
She all of a sudden had more interest in trying to talk to my wife.
The thing is, she would have unreasonable requests and get angry when my wife denied them.
Eventually MIL started talking to us again, usually to borrow money.
My wife eventually put her foot down and told her we couldnt do that anymore.
MIL was angry, but stopped asking.
By this time we had two kids.
These events leading up to our estrangement from my MIL were cumulative.
That was three years ago.
At this point, my wife has no interest in reconciling.
We would really appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation.
I do not expect MIL will ever change.
How should I handle this with my kids?
I reached out to clinical psychologist and parenting expertDr.
Regine Muradianfor input on your situation.
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