Getting to know a person in aromantic relationshipis a gradual process.
In fact, its one of the simplest ways to improve it.
This term was coined by longtime relationship counselor Gary Chapman.
In fact, you dont really need to read the book to understand the concept.
In the field of linguistics a language may have numerous dialects or variations.
Acts of service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
Receiving gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
Quality time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
Physical touch: It can range from having sex to holding hands.
With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
Chances are, you’re free to relate to a few of these.
Maybe you relate to all of them.
The other four are just as important and offer [other] ways to express love to each other.
Theres really no scientific research behind Chapmans theory; it just makes sense because its relatable.
Its obvious that we all show affection in different ways.
These languages simply label those ways so you’re free to understand people a little better.
When you know what your partner does and doesnt care about, its a pretty big eye opener.
For example, for years, Ive been giving my significant other small gifts to show that I care.
I put a lot of thought into those gifts, and I loved surprising him.
That was not the reaction I wanted.
What matters most to you?
It might feel silly as you take it, but seriously, do it.
As Chapman points out, there are different dialects for each language, too.
On the flip side, its useful to know how youdontexpress affection.
I ranked low on acts of service, and it helps to understand this as a blind spot.
Lets say a friend does me a favor: they give me a ride to the airport.
This isnt a big deal to me, so I might brush it off too quickly.
In short, knowing what makes you tick and what doesnt can help youempathize with people a little better.
When you understandwhyyoure fighting, youre in a better position to come up with a solution.
When you know your partners love language, its incredibly easy to recharge.
Its like a cheat code for your relationship.
Of course, the concept is also helpful in simply expressing your love in the best possible way.
For my fiances birthdays, Id always put a huge amount of thought into his physical gift.
Now that I know quality time is more important to him, I cater to that instead.
I put more energy into planning birthday trips together rather than whatever physical gift Im going to buy him.
Its useful to understand what matters to people.
For example, I used to get angry at my brother for being terrible at keeping in touch.
He rarely calls, and it hurt my feelings.
Hed tell me how much I mean to him, and Id feel reassured.
Once I got that, his lack of phone calls stopped hurting my feelings.
And it works the other way, too.
I hate talking on the phone, he said.
So I dont do it.
I dont know why that hurts peoples feelings.
I joked, Because when you dont keep in touch, we think you dont love us anymore.
Oh shit, he laughed.
And since then, hes been better at reaching out.
Its worth noting that your love language might vary depending on the person, too.
My brother might speak a different language in a romantic relationship than he does with family.
It can help in business, too.
Business strategist Marie Forleo says the love languages concept is hersecret weapon in maintaining a happy team.
Theyre pretty much the same, but his explainers are translated for professional relationships rather than romantic ones.
We all have different life experiences and come from different backgroundsit makes sense that we communicate differently, too.
Love languages cant fix everything, of course.
