Which leaves us with the time-out as the major tool in the discipline toolbox.

Theyve taken away all authority from themselves.

Theyve resigned themselves to the fact that their six-year-old is going to spin up the house.

The problem, Fraser says, is that most parents arent doing time-outs correctly.

I spoke to him for some advice.

Ask What Kind of Family Do We Want to Be?

This is an important first step in creating the culture of your household.

Be Consistent

Consistency is the key to permanently changing behavior, even for adults.

Thats because parking meter attendants areextremely consistent.

You dont gamble and think theyre not going to be there.

This has, broadly speaking, changed our behavior: We dont want a ticket.

We (mostly) follow the rules.

Same goes for kidswe need to enforce the consequences like a robot if we want to see any effect.

Successful time-outs arent just an in the moment thing, says Fraser.

Its a whole process.

Its like a workplace: People know what the expectations are.

There are rules and consequences.

If your rule is that homework must be finished before screen time, make that clear.

If you whine the entire time were in the store, you lose a privilege.

Look Them in the Eye

Get down on their level and make eye contact, says Fraser.

Explain what theyre doing wrong, and get back to the wordsunsafe,irresponsible, ordisrespectful.

For example, You are responsible for putting on your shoes so we can get to school on time.

When you dont put on your shoes, we are late.

and then start counting.

This is where patience comes in.

They fold under pressure, says Fraser.

Fraser says, They will test the parent by getting up and running away from the time-out seat.

You cant give up.

Eventually they will give up.

If you cant physically manage it, get a family member to help.

Insist They Apologize

When the timer dings, they have to appropriately apologize.

Its tempting to give up, to think that eventually they will grow out of their bad behavior.

Its the same with behaviorthis is ultimately a process of teaching a child how to be in the world.