Years ago, I brought a new boyfriend to Christmas dinner.
Is this the same boy as last time?
Heres how to deal with it.
The obvious answer to all of this is: just tell your family its none of their business.
But that can make things worse.
Saying nunya doesnt do much to clear that up.
When your family asks awkward questions, there are better ways to go about it.
A simple, were not thinking about having kids anytime soon will do.
The problem is, some people wont get that hint, or worse, they wont care.
In that case, you may need to rely on other methods.
A short answer is great, but it can also leave behind an awkward silence.
you’re free to fill that silence by simply changing the subject.
Transitions can be tough, though.
For example: No, were not having kids.
Hey, how about that turkey?
Thats a bad transition, and it can draw more attention to the already awkward moment.
Instead, find a bridge.
Something like, No, were not having kids.
We are planning a trip to Niagara Falls though!
Youve been there, right?
In this case,Niagara Fallsis the bridge, and youve swiftly changed the subject.
Dont meet force with force.
For instance, when a family member asks, what happened to your ex?
it can be best to just tell the truth.
We werent able to make it.
You know how relationships can be.
Yet hes a great guy and were in a good place.
Hows your son doing at college?
If you keep your answers short and sweet, this works well.
Whats the hardest part about having a baby?
This turned into a much more pleasant, interesting conversation about this persons experience with parenthood.
But, more importantly, we werent talking about my personal life decisions anymore!
Theyre angryor hostile: They might be doing it to push your buttons.
Theyre trying to connect with you: They might genuinely want to help or get to know you better.
Dr. Dave Popple, President ofPsynet Grouprecommends directly asking about the persons intention.
He offers a few examples:
Have you found a boyfriend yet?
You: Are you worried that I might be lonely?
How is the job search?
You: Are you concerned that I am in financial trouble?
When will you start a family?
You: Are you worried that I am waiting too long?
For those who truly care, you have the opportunity to have an honest conversation about the real issue.
If theyre just asking because they dont know any better, changing the subject works well, too.
Youre entitled to ask, but maybe we can talk about a topic we can both enjoy.
With most families, a little awkwardness is usually inevitable.
Illustration by Sam Woolley.
