The phrase enthusiastic consent has finally entered the mainstream lexicon.
The idea behind enthusiastic consent is that youre, well,enthusiasticabout it.
Youre not just agreeing to do it because you feel pressured to in some way; youre genuinely excited.
People are becoming more aware that enthusiastic consent is an essential part of a happy and healthy sex life.
Heres what you gotta know to get (and give) enthusiastic consent.
(Ive also heard this referred to as will, wont and would.)
The yeses and nos are pretty obvious.
Maybes mean things that you would consider, depending on the partner or circumstance.
Its also important to practice getting comfortable sharing your yeses, maybes and nos with your partner.
In particular, you may want to practice saying no in a bunch of different ways.
We have this strange myth that sex shouldnt require any sort of communication.
It should just happen spontaneously and naturally, without anyone having to say a word.
This myth is, frankly, BS.
Great sex requires great communication.
It will feel funny at first, but with repetition, youll start to feel more comfortable.
Its important for you to find the language that feels right for you.
Below are some specific suggestions.
Read them over and see which ones you naturally gravitate toward.
Is it OK if I [fill in the blank]?
Would you like it if I [fill in the blank]?
You know what sounds really sexy to me?
[Fill in the blank.]
How does that sound to you?
Im trying to be really clear about practicing enthusiastic consent with my partners.
Do you feel good about doing [fill in the blank]?
Use text
Another option for shy folks is to try using text to get enthusiastic consent.
We can stick with [whatever you had been doing previously] or take a break.
verify your partner can provide consent.
It may help to work with a couples or sex therapist on this.
Getting one yes from your partner isnt a blanket statement to keep going.
And consenting to a hand job on Tuesday doesnt mean you consent to one on Wednesday.
Talk about when you’re able to taper off consent.
you’re able to talk about what activities are always on the table for you.
For example, you may tell your partner that theyre free to squeeze your ass whenever they want.
