you should probably make the people you care about feel comfortable, understood, and validated.
Everyone needs to let off a little steam every once in awhile, and people love a good listener.
Once it seems like everyone is comfortable, feel free to kick things off.
If you are the cause, youve now shown initiative and have the power to fix it.
If not, follow up with questions in the realm of Are you upset about something?
or Is there something thats bothering you?
Billikopf also suggests you prepare mentally for what may come your way.
The role of the listener or helper is to allow such an individual to initiate the lock gates.
When he does, the water gushes out.
During this venting process, there is still too much pressure for a person to consider other perspectives.
When you offer yourself up for listening, know what youre getting into.
initiate the floodgates and be ready to stand watch until the emotional pressure equalizes.
Dont tell me what to do.
But this doesnt actively help the person doing the venting to drain their negative emotions.
This practice is known as reflective listening.
However, take a stab at avoidsounding like a parrot on their shoulder.
Paraphrase in your own words so your coworker knows youre listeningandabsorbing the information, not merely bouncing it back.
Also, you shouldnt ever venture to change the subject.
Avoid multitasking as well.
The listening process involves only one bird and one stone.
Even if it seems like their venting flow has stalled, respect their pauses.
According to the Red Cross, offering non-verbal encouragement can help keep your friend comfortable venting.
Say something like So, your family makes you feel…?
And prolong the word feel.
Theyll take it as a cue and finish what youve started, and youll earn some bonus listening points.
They just want to be heard and want to be understood because theyre hurting inside.
They want to be heard, and have their concerns about their job taken seriously.
It also doesnt hurt to verbally acknowledge what your significant other is feeling so they know you understand.
If the venting person wants your help, theyll ask for it.
Dont make it about you by offering your perspective or how you would do things, explains Rooni.
Let them communicate their needs.
For example, dont just gush out Ill help you through this, no matter what.
Everything is going to be alright.
How are you going to help?
And you dont know that everything will be alright, do you?
Instead, say something like Ill give you a call tomorrow night so we can talk more about this.
Hang in there, okay?
Tell yourself that youll listen for five full, attentive minutes before moving on.
Particularly something you know ill cheer them up.
Theyll likely venture to wrap up their story sooner so they can get to the fun stuff.
Offer to listen while you go for a walk, jog, or even between sets at the gym.
I want to help you, but I only see you going around in circles.
If their complaints are regarding serious issues, however, you should refer your friend to professional help.
They may need someone who can really listen to them or offer tangible help where you cant.
Illustration by Sam Woolley.
