Siese says it took years for her to learn that her childhood experience wasnt normal.
After a certain point, Siese called her mother and attempted to establish boundaries.
I said things werent working and that I would only talk to her with a mediator.
When her mother didnt accept her terms, and blamed Siese for hurting her, Siese cut off contact.
I had to set up email filters and block her number.
Here are some tips on how to do itbut first, a note.
Before breaking off your familial relationships, its a good idea to spend some time talking to a therapist.
Point being: this isnt a decision to take lightly.
After leaving for college, my heart would race on seeing her number calling me, she says.
I would try and make our calls as short as possible.
If I missed the call, I would put off calling her back for days.
She wouldnt take ownership of her side of our problems.
By the end, even the thought of speaking to her made me feel nauseous.
White eventually cut ties with her mother in 2012.
It can take a long time before you realize they have a real problem.
Even trickier can be dealing with a personality disorder, which are hard even for professionals to diagnose.
If you havent, you better.
Start by putting some really clear boundaries around it, and having a pause rather than end.
If your sister argues with you over Donald Trump, ask that she no longer discuss politics with you.
Of course, every situation is different, and sometimes relationships require more drastic boundaries.
Those rules are situation-dependent, of course.
Or maybe you feel you still need to help, but youll only go so far.
The break might give you some time to heal and reflect, leaving room to repair the relationship later.
Parenting Through Four Stages of Adolescence.
Everybody, even a difficult person, deserves a clear explanation for whats happening or why, Emery says.
Once youve figured out what youre going to do, thats the starting point.
Before you cut things off, decide exactly what you want the parameters of your relationship to be.
He confronted his mother face-to-face and told her their relationship could not continue as it stood.
I have a very civil relationship with her.
Its not anything you would consider familial, Rafael, says.
But theres no deep relationship there.
Once you pinpoint your boundaries, Emery says, you gotta stick with them.
If they keep texting you, you might block their text.
If they show up knocking on your door, dont let them in.
My relatives refuse to separate our relationship from me not talking to my mom.
You may therefore have to set boundaries with extended family members as well.
They dont have to like or agree with the boundary separation you are setting.
They may strongly disagree, Pickhardt says.
Siese saw her mother the summer after she ended their relationship, at the funeral of another close relative.
Still, Siese maintained her resolve, even when her mother tried to change her mind.
She said, Well, maybe you’ve got the option to come visit, Siese says.
I didnt really say anything to that, and things kind of stayed as they were.
For instance, White relied on therapy to help her work through her troubled relationship with her mother.
Feelings of guilt and/or loss are normal; you may never really feel a sense of closure.
I definitely wanted answers from them.
But thats something thats not going to happen.
verify youre giving yourself space and permission to let yourself feel the feelings.
Theres definitely an element of grief.
Theres definitely an element of loss.
You have to honor and respect that, Rafael R. says.
