A lot of advice about persuasion assumes a relatively equal power dynamic.
In building this strategy, I relied heavily on Buster Bensons bookWhy Are We Yelling?
I also talked to Benson about applying his ideas specifically to the workplace.
Whatever youre arguing for, hook it into those goals as much as possible.
Say you want to start a new project, because itd be fulfilling for you.
You dont have toignorethat motive.
But it shouldnt be your main argument.
Presumably your idea would somehow benefit the organization, or at least your boss.
I explain how our approach will particularly fit Lifehackers concept of a hacka shortcut that legitimately solves a problem.
And so we get the seriesHow to Fake Playing Piano.
But in a hierarchy, any trade of benefits is weighted to favor the powerful.
(Companies survive by extracting more out of you than they pay you back.)
In a hierarchy, any trade of benefits is weighted to favor the powerful.
Let them build your case
Benson calls this brainstorming approach to arguments the voice of possibility.
Its an alternative to voices of power, avoidance, and reason.
(In a hierarchy, even the voice of reason is often used to dismiss valid ideas.)
And when you use it, youre trying to get the other party to use it too.
Its a great way to get your boss to think like your colleague, not your overseer.
Bensons voice of possibility asks questions like What are we missing?
or What else can we do with what we have?
or Who else can we bring into the conversation to give us a new perspective?
These are all helpful when youre at a disadvantage of power.
They help you question the status quo in non-threatening ways.
All those possibility questions ask what we can do.
They encourage both parties to look for answers together.
If youre the disadvantaged person, the important thing is to ask questions, Benson tells me.
Questions like How did you arrive at this opinion?
and What outcome can we reach for together?
Asking questions helps your boss honestly share information.
(Thats how youre building leverage, not handing it away.)
Your boss will be more co-operative if they feel you understand their perspective.
And theyll be more likely to think of solutions for the both of you.
Ideally, youre both just as likely to find each others favorite solution as you are your own.
The decor, the music, and the alcohol all change the dynamic.
So does the simple fact that its not your workplace, and thus doesnt carry your workplaces mental baggage.
Ideally, get out of the workplace entirely.
Choose the right metaphorical space too: Dont time the conversation right before a big deadline or tense meeting.
Consider whether drinking or eating will help or hurt.
Match as many of those factors as you’re able to.
What outcome can we reach for together?
And especially consider what you really want out of this.
Say you want to get taken off the project.
Is that because the project is intimidating?
Would it be better to get support on the project, or more time?
This is a question about practicality.
Its also a question that no one should want to answer no to.
And be thankful that you found that out, instead of fighting a lost cause.
Theres a lot more advice about negotiation, debate, and productive argumentation inBensons book.
It covers a wide range of conflict, from everyday relationship hiccups to grand political disputes.
And successful persuasion is only one of the many outcomes that it explores.
This book can also help you cope with unwinnable arguments, by finding value beyond getting your way.
(But heres hoping that you do get your way.)
