Meeting new people can be tricky, or even anxiety-inducing.
Of course, you want to make a good first impression and come acrossas likable as possible.
When it comes down to it,manipulationinvolves finding peoplespsychological points of weakness and exploiting them.
Manipulation can involve lying, misdirection, and whatever else it might take toget your way.
Charmis something everyone can use to get their foot in the door of new relationships.
Charm makes you look goodwhile letting you move forward in building real and healthy relationships.
If you think you cant be charming, youre wrong.
Its something everyone can learn, you just need to know what to do and practice it.
What does their body language say?
Do they know someone you already know?
Why are you introducing yourself?
These are all things you should know beforehand.
Like landing an airplane, charm is about coming in at the right angle and velocity.
Know the conditions before you go clearing yourself for touchdown.
First of all, who are they?
If you dont know, its not out of bounds to do a little recon work.
Second, scan theirbody language.
Theres nothing charming about interrupting someone or bothering them when they want to be alone.
Its easy to spot someone thats not interested in talking to others.
Lastly, you should know why youre introducing yourself to them.
This doesnt sound difficult, but its important.
It can help you with your angle and might keep you from coming across the wrong way.
Do you want online grid for work opportunities?
Are you just looking for a new friend that might share the same interests?
Do you find them attractive?
Be specific and youll help yourself out.
Youll know what you want to talk about and avoid charm-sucking awkward silences.
So, to stay with the above metaphor: why are you diving into the pool?
How would you want someone to approach you?
Smiling and confident, or blank-faced and nervous?
The smile is important because it subconsciously shows that yourenot a threatand makes you look like youre enjoying yourself.
People like to be around others enjoying themselves because theyll feel more comfortable showing joy.
The wrong kind of smile, however, can be worse than not smiling at all.
You dont want to look creepy or demented, so keep it friendly and genuine.
If youre not sure what a genuine smile is, you want whats called theDuchenne Smile.
Your cheeks go up, your eyes slightly squint, and it looks legit to others.
Sayingthe word cheeksorwords that end in uhcan be a good starting point.
Once youve got your smile down, remember to smile as often as possible.
People rarely leave a conversation thinking Gee, that smiling guy is not nice to be around at all.
People like to talk about themselves and they like to know that others are interested them.
So dont waste any time and show right from the get-go that you want to get to know them.
Heres an example:
You:Hi, Im So-And-So.
Them:Oh, hi, Im Joe.
You:Nice to meet you, Joe.
What brings you here tonight?
The question can be anything that isnt too personal.
What business are you in?
What do you think about this place?
Where are you from?Keep it broad and easy to answer.
Save the more probing questions for later.
This gives you a memorable, likable entrance without going overboard.
Repeat it, like the example above anduse it throughout your conversation.
Youre more likely to remember it if you say it yourself.
End your conversation with their namein the same way as you started to ensure it sticks with you.
Think about how nice it is when someone youve just met calls you by your name.
It can alsohelp you remember their name.
It can extra helpful if you call them your friend when you do it.
Have you met him, yet?
There is always some kind of common ground between two people, so keep searching.
As you search, look for latch words.
These are words that fit your own interests that you might use to generate more conversation.
You want to discover commonalities as soon as it’s possible for you to to build that familiarity.
Being charming is about more than knowing someones stats that might be on the back of their trading card.
Its about reaching out and saying, Hey, Im a human just like you.
So ask questions, but feel free to change the tone if it feels right.
Ask them how they feel about certain things or what they really care about in life.
You also want to be as open as you could.
Drop the facades you might normally put up in public and show vulnerability when you talk about things.
Turn off your inner voice and stop thinking about what youre going to say.
Listen to them and hear them.
Answer their question politely and as honestly as you could without divulging an inappropriate amount of information.
When you talk about yourself, be humble and dont give a shot to inflate reality.
Once youve answered, send it right back with another question.
As the conversation continues, questions can get deeper, but never be pushy.
Whether theyre talking about themselves or others, you definitely want to be kind.
It might seem like an easy way to connect with someone, but gossip makes you look bad.
Even if they start it, remember to be nice and keep the conversation in a positive light.
Shift the conversation by finding something to compliment about them.
Flattery can do a lot for your charm, but you want to keep it believable.
Nothing turns off the charm faster than inappropriate humor.
It gives them just enough to laugh at without making the conversation about you andyour awesome jokes.
So dont go for short and sweet, go for swift and sweet.
When the pace starts to die down, its time to make an exit.
On your way out, you want to check that that the person you just met remembers you.
Sure, you may have been charming, but you want them to remember that you were charming.
Its possible to meet an endless line of charming people and still not recall a single one of them.
As long as its not super weird, anything unique can help you out.
Youre being you: just the most charming version of you.
If you like something, let them know (as long as youre not being creepy or inappropriate).
If you dont like something, its OK to nicely disagree.
If you absolutely hate something, make note of it and keep it to yourself.
Its also important that you know there is no guarantee with any of these tips.
Charm doesnt automatically mean youll get along with every person on the planet.
No matter what the outcome is, charm will at least keep you in a positive light.
Who knows, maybe they know someone who will mesh with you perfectly.
This story was originally published on 3/2/15 and was updated on 8/25/19 to provide more thorough and current information.
