I buddied up with someone who seemed easygoing, though.
During a meeting, our boss asked her why one of her tasks didnt get done.
My easygoing friend flat-out blamed it on me.
It was my first experience with a manipulative coworker and it was not fun.
You probably dont need a study to tell you this is common, though.
Youve likely experienced it yourself.
Or, like my situation, they get in trouble and use you as a scapegoat.
Ideally, you just ignore the behavior and it goes away.
Its not always that easy, though.
When it starts to affect your life and career, you have to address it.
Dont ignore your gut
I shouldve seen it coming with my easygoing frenemy.
She constantly gossiped and seemed way too eager to become friends.
Another colleague even warned me not to trust anyone (what a fun job).
Small hints like this gradually built up until my gut said, Run!
I chalked it up tobeing paranoidand judgmental.
But over atFast Company, psychotherapist Joan Kingsley said its important to listen to your gut.
You might wonder if youre imagining things and being paranoid, she says.
Well, maybe you are, but under no circumstances should you ignore your feelings.
They are often the very first sign of trouble.
You might not want to believe that people you work with are dishonest and manipulative.
Like me, you might feel guilty for even thinking it.
It helps to look at the facts.
Your gut feeling is a series of small details that you put together to form a pattern.
If youre unsure of that pattern, look at the facts objectively.
What makes you mistrust this person?
Do they wear red a lot and you hate the color red?
Okay, then youre being paranoid and judgmental.
Thats a little different.
Use them as a sounding board and see what they think.
For me, this meant no more lunches with my coworker.
No more listening to her gossip or venting.
If your coworkers ask you to do something, follow up via email.
If you have questions about anything, ask your boss via email and copy the coworker.
Tell the boss what was said and ask if that is really what youre supposed to be doing.
The more you cover your ass, the less you have to worry about.
One day, though, our boss asked her why part of the project wasnt working.
She said, Ask Kristin.
I learned my lesson.
For future meetings, I would arrive early so she didnt have a chance to ask me for help.
After a while, her lack of knowledge revealed that she really wasnt doing any work.
In other words, I distanced myself and let her sabotage herself.
Be direct
My solution worked, but the unfortunate downside was that I became manipulative, too.
Looking back, I shouldvebeen more direct.
Stooping to their level might work, but it may also be a sign of weakness.
Of course, being direct doesntalwayswork.
Be wary of their tactics
It helps to understand what might motivate the manipulative person.
Once youre pretty sure theyre manipulating you, its useful to know how they operate.
This way, you’re able to avoid situations that give them a chance to do their worst.
Whenever his supervisor was not cced on an email, he would tell me my work wasnt necessary.
check that the supervisor was always copied.
This way, he didnt have a chance to manipulate in the first place.
It also helps to know what motivates that person.
When it fell in my lap, Id ask if he wanted to do it.
After a while, he curbed his sketchy behavior because he realized I wasnt a threat.
I worked hard, so our supervisors all knew better and my job was fine.
But ts draining to be around people who prefer you fail.
To avoid this, it helps to spend time around people who want you to succeed.
Manipulative behavior is common, but fortunately, it doesnt exist everywhere.
This post was originally published in 2016 and was updated on 6/9/2020 by Lisa Rowan.
