Empathize without endorsing
The tagline ofConversationsis Remember theres a human on the other side of the screen.
(Dylan doesnt like to call people trolls.)
Thats a good lesson for shit-talkers, but its also useful to those getting shit-talked.
Empathy is just the acknowledgement that someone is human, Dylan says.
We are scared to empathize with people because were scared that empathizing with them props up their point.
you’re free to empathize without engagingand most of the time, you should.
Dylan originally started the show after digging into the online profiles of people who insulted him andhis political videos.
I would punch the profile of the person who sent it to me, and I would humanize them.
you could quietly research, or you could merely imagine this persons personal life.
Do notand trust me, Ive made this mistakedonotuse your research to attack the other person online.
They might deserve it!
We are scared to empathize with people because were scared that empathizing with them props up their point.
We more casually co-exist in physical spaces than we do in digital ones, Dylan says.
This doesnt excuse what they said, it just makes it feelless true about you.
Were prone to exaggeration, even when there isnt a negative bent to it.
The structure of a comment section has us jockeying for likes and upvotes.
The same goes for most social media.
On the phone, Chris said that Dylan had caught him at a bad time.
Hell, you dont even have to forgive them.
This is about mitigating the damage they can do to you.
Dont engage with abuse
Engaging with criticism does not mean engaging with abuse.
Ive also gotten death threats, and Im not speaking to those people, Dylan says.
Im speaking to people who I feel safe talking to.
He doesnt invite people on who threaten him or use bigoted language to attack fundamental things about him.
And recognize that your personal limitations arent the same as someone elses.
And most of us eventually get some unsolicited criticism that could actually help us.
What if … youre the asshole?
Sometimeswithout saying itthats what Dylan is kindly pointing out to his guests.
And its not a quick fix.
I dont do that!
When my friends say something Ive done hurts them, Im not like Im done!
Take your time to sit with criticism.
You dont have to respond immediately.
Engaging with criticism does not mean engaging with abuse.
But think abouthow well those people and their work did anyway.
It doesnt mean that these people were never hurt by criticism.
It means that they did not give into it.
Ive been to a live reading of other peoples hate mail and found it petty.
And I didnt listen toConversationsuntil very recently.
But I do screencap and tweetthe occasional angry email, and it does make me feel better.
One journalists wifecross-stitched some particularly illiterate hate mail.
(Its always easier to cope with a hater who cant spell.)
And remember to cherish the positive feedback.
Print out a strangers praise or a nice email from someone you respect.
Spend some time with people who like you.
Let the haters fade into the background.
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