You have people who leverage their relationship with you to make it convince you to give them money.
You have people who will ask to borrow money and never repay it.
You might even have people who will directly access your funds and use them for unwanted things.
This post originally appeared onThe Simple Dollar.
You made a lot of sacrifices to earn that money.
If you had spent it foolishly, you wouldnt have that money.
Youre sacrificing all of the hard choices and hard work that it took to improve your financial state.
I should knowIve made many of those kinds of mistakes.
Ive spent money to keep up with friends.
Every single one of those things was a mistake.
So, I started limiting that stake.
Here are some of the specific strategies Ive used or that I recommend for people in those situations.
Financially Irresponsible Spouses
Many financially responsible people are stuck with financially irresponsible spouses.
Both are problematic and both require difficult solutions.
The solution is tofind a compromise that works well for both of you.
The main issue that can undermine this istrust.
Financially Irresponsible Parents
Some people unfortunately find themselves in a situation where their parents are financially irresponsible.
Communicationis absolutely vital here.
First of all,look for non-financial ways to help.Help them with household chores.
Help them with budgeting.
Help them with running errands and shopping.
You may even go further and help them by cohabitating.
Those are ways you might help without simply throwing money at the problem.
If youre going to consistently help, you oughta plan for it startingright now.
Dont lend money to family members or friends, ever.
Dont be afraid to walk away from a negative situation.
Financially Irresponsible Adult Children
What if its your children that are financially irresponsible?
Perhaps they ask for money constantly or even have a regular stipend from you.
Maybe they even live at home without adequately contributing to the finances of your household.
How can you handle this?
For starters, its important to remember thattheyre the young ones with many years of life ahead of them.
Theyre the ones with energy and with lots of earnings potential.
(I certainly didntone of my first jobs was literally shoveling dirt.)
In other words, you’ve got the option to cut them off.
Young people have the energy to find a way to make things work in their life.
They can find an entry-level job or two.
They can find an apartment for themselves.
They can balance their own budget.
They can find resources to help them make ends meet if needed.
In fact, they need to do such things, as its part of learninghow to live.
I recommendgiving your children a cut-off date.
They need to find a job.
They need to find an apartment.
They need to adjust their budget to live without that deposit into their checking account.
Help them find an apartment if they want that help.
Help them seek a job if they want that help.
Help them move out.
Some children will want this; others wont.
Just double-check youre available.
First of all,dont loan money to family members.Dont.
You donotwant a lender-borrower relationship with extended family members.
For one, theres a good chance you wont be able to get them to pay you back.
Instead,openly offer non-financial help.Give that person a ride to work.
Give that person some advice.
Help that person find a job.
Invite them over for dinner.
Provide an ear for them to talk to and a shoulder for them to cry on.
As is always the case, communicate, but do it outside of the framework of those expensive situations.
Instead, do it far away from any such planning.
Similarly, if expensive trips happen in the summer, talk about it instead in the winter.
You notice a lot of envelopes from Chase or Bank of America in their apartment.
Those are things youll notice as you grow close.
But, aside from that financial concern, the match seems great.
What do you do?
If this conversation is difficult or impossible, then thats another strong negative sign.
(Theres also a trust issue if you dont stick with it, too.)
I just dont put effort into maintaining friendships with people with whom it is expensive to maintain friendships.
That doesnt mean I dont have friends with expensive tastes.
The vast majority of my close friends simply invite each other over for social things.
We have dinner parties, game nights, movie nights, and binge-watching marathons.
If they do, then theres a deep value disconnect between you and that other person.
Its okay to occasionally do something expensive with friends, but it should not be the norm.
Thats a friendship that its perfectly okay to walk away from.
Almost all of those friends are pretty frugal people and our social activities are usually really inexpensive.
Heres the truth, though.
The most lasting workplace relationships are built out of other things, like reliability and kindness and healthy candor.
They arent built out of spending $50 on lunch.
Get to know them.
Simply going out with the expensive crowd isnt going to do much to secure your spot at work.
Being a good coworker will secure that spot more than anything else.
Final Thoughts
The strategies in this thread all boil down to a few key principles.
Dont lend money personally to people.
Seek out lower-cost social activities and cherish the relationships with people who share those activities with you.
Communicate clearly if you desire lower-cost obligations (and do it out of the context of the situation).
Dont be afraid to modernize your social circle.
Communicate, communicate, communicate with your loved ones.
Handling Financially Irresponsible People| The Simple Dollar
Trent Hamm is a personal finance writer atTheSimpleDollar.com.
Photo byTax Credits(Flickr).
