Charisma is one of those things that people assume youre born with, but thats not necessarily the case.
Regardless of your personality jot down, its entirely possible to become more likable and develop your charisma.
Heres where to start.
Charisma is about what you say and do as opposed to who you really are as a person.
In the video above, behavioral expert and author Olivia Fox Cabane tells a story about Marilyn Monroe.
People were everywhere, yet no one seemed to recognize one of the most famous people in the world.
She boarded a train and quietly rode to the next station without anyone noticing.
So she looked around and she teasingly asked the photographer, So, do you want to see her?
And yet, with this simple shift, she suddenly became magnetic.
An aura of magic seemed to ripple out from her and everything stopped.
Your goal here is to find the Marilyn Monroe inside of your Norma Jean Baker.
Its there, but you have to work to find it.
Keep in mind, however, that it’s crucial that you be a little brave.
Developing charisma is a process that involves looking at the things you do under a microscope.
You might not always like what you see, but dont beat yourself up over it.
If you keep your expectations in check, youll be able to identify the behaviors you better adjust.
Presence is all about being truly engaged with others.
Essentially, youre showing the other person that they have your complete attention.
As with most things, neither extreme is ideal.
The truth is, we like ourselves and we like talking about ourselves.
Be positive, shut down your ego, and give your full attention.
It really is that simple.
Pay attention to every word that comes out of someone elses mouth.
Imagine youre watching a movie or reading a book and youre slowly learning about the main character.
Invest your attention and your focus on them.
Most importantly, do not sit there and think about what youre going to say while they talk.
Nothing demonstrates youre not listening like firing off a quick email or scrolling through Instagram.
Theres a balance, of course.
You cant just sit and listen to people all day and night.
Knowing how to talk and express yourself to others in a confident way is important as well.
You dont want to be arrogant, but you also dont want to come across as timid or scared.
It all comes down to how you feel in your own skin.
You shouldnt only talk about what you know, though.
On top of that, being curious maintains that all important presence.
Youre not drifting off in your mind trying to come up with answersyoure visibly involved in the conversation.
Live with purpose
People with confidence and charisma also live with purpose.
Its noticeable when you dont seem to have a mission or driving factor.
People long to have a cause to rally around something to believe in.
you’re gonna wanna believe in it so strongly for that it animates your every gesture.
Be self-assured in every scenario.
Show that you dont share the doubts that plague most people.
Act as if you know where you are going, even if you arent 100% sure.
When a scene plays out,act like you know your lines.
We all have those moments where we do something and think to ourselves, that was stupid.
You falter and people can see it.
Confidence is about being okay with what you do and who you are, no matter what that means.
People like confident individuals, even if their other qualities are less attractive.
Conquer the basics of conversation
Charismatic people know how to talk other people.
If you dont know how to talk to people on the most basic level, you gotta practice.
It will be uncomfortable at first, but being uncomfortable is how you get better.
If you dont knowhow to start a conversation, get creative.
First, think to yourself what you would and wouldnt like to talk about.
If theres something that would make you feel uncomfortable, it will probably make them feel uncomfortable.
Its also much easier toget a conversation going by being nice, as opposed to trying to sound brilliant.
Not to mention that being nice is a great charisma booster anyway.
If you cant think of how to start, or if you hit a lull, use thehistory/philosophy/metaphorrule.
Do whatever you’re able to to avoid awkward silence.
Good conversationalists also know how to get people on the same level.
They share experiences andtell stories.
Use humor as a tool and remember that its not what you say, but how you say it.
If youre not sure about a joke, hold off.
No one will be worse off if you let it pass.
Imagine a comedian bombing onstage.
Nothing is more awkward and charisma-sucking as that, so dont be that.
At the same time, a comedian thats confident in their jokes is highly charismatic.
Humor, when used the right way, can make you the most likable person in the room.
Last, but not least, ask questions.
Think about talk show hosts.
Theyre some of the most likable and charismatic people in the worldthats how they get those jobs.
Charisma is more learning about others than it is about others learning about you.
Practice effective eye contact
Sometimes good eye contact can communicate more than any words could.
Looking down or constantly shifting your gaze shows that youre uninterested and that your focus lies elsewhere.
Practicing eye contact can be tricky, though.
Too much can be off-putting, but so can too little.
Youll need to experiment to find the right amount.
How do you feel?
How does the other person react?
Remember, you have MANY opportunities to try this out.
Practice on your waiter, barista, or the person at the checkout counter.
Over time youll get a feel for what works and what goes too far.
How you make eye contact is just as important as how long it lasts.
Its the key in of eye contact that makes you seem personable without seeming like a weirdo.
Be expressive with your body
Charismatic people express how they feel in a lot of different ways.
Nobody thinks someone who stands stiff as a board is magnetic or interesting.
Above all else, remember to smile.
Smiling people are more approachable and more likable than someone who looks angry or uninterested.
People enjoy being around people (and animals) with a vocabulary of expressive gestures.
You also want to be aware of the bad types of expressive behavior.
Suddenly its obvious to the other person that youre trying toshowthat youre listening and they no longer feel validation.
This will give you a top to bottom assessment of all the things your body is doing.
Is your hand fiddling with something in your pocket?
Become aware of and adjust.
Match the other persons physical mannerisms and energy level, and youll notice how well theyll respond to it.
you could also mirror the qualities that you find likable in others.
Its a trial and error process.
This story was originally published on 12/22/14 and was updated on 10/7/19 to provide more thorough and current information.
