But that doesnt mean this years holiday meal has to devolve into a screaming match.

Even in our balkanized political culture, its usually possible to disagree respectfully.

It isnt easy, but its possible, according to Utah Governor Spencer Cox and Colorado Governor Jared Polis.

It’s a good opportunity to be curious, ask questions, and be civil.

Because it almost always comes down to them loving their country, their family, and their community.

We always think, ‘This time it will work.

If I just tell them how stupid they are this time, theyll change their mind.

But it never works, Cox said.

No one has ever changed anyones mind by attacking them.

Instead of attacking, approach with humility.

If you do this, youll have a much better conversation.

It gives the other person permission to think they might be wrong as well, Cox explains.

“I do not accept that.”

If you want to get on cable news you have to say some pretty crazy stuff, Cox said.

His remedy for regular people: turn off cable news.

Another issue the governors highlighted as a reason for political arguments: isolation.

“People are too lonely and so they’re finding their tribes [online.]

“Historically, our political identity was way down the list of how we defined ourselves.

you’re not going to have any friends,” Cox said.

“So get real friends and talk about other things.”

“If the conversation starts to derail or get heated, turn on football,” Polis suggested.

“The Rams are going to beat Nevada this weekend.

We can all cheer for that.”

Maybe the person behind the argument isn’tirredeemable, but their ideas are.

Ultimately, if a hateful relative is attending a family dinner, you probably shouldn’t.

You’re an adult, after all.

On the other hand, life is messy.

Family dynamics can be complicated.

Principles can be surprisingly malleable.

If you do put yourself in that situation, ignore Governors Polis and Cox’s advice.

As for how youshouldhandle it, I don’t know if there’s a right answer.

But others say you shouldopenly confront hatredin your daily life, maybe even if it ruins everyone’s Thanksgiving.

If you have any answers, I’m all ears.