Feeling our feelingscontrary to long-held popular opinion that it is somehow weakis remarkably hard work.
But as human beings with complex emotions, why is it so difficult to adequately feel our feelings?
Evolutionarily, she writes, feelings are designed to drive an adaptive behavioral response to our environment.
(I perceive a threat!
I must flee!)
Feelings are NOT designed to have us slow down and really feel them.
Its essential to learn to skillfully feel she argues, because our feelings signal whats important to us.
We may feel sad because we crave more connection; or angry at mistreatment or injustice.
How do we do this nebulous thing of feeling our feelings completely?
Below, find the six-step process to feel the feeling and let it pass through your body.
Because, in Guenthers words, if you cant, then disaster might strike.
If youre vibing with your new sweetie and are suddenly seized with anxietywhat is that?
Name it, almost as if you were a reporter.
Im feeling fear and worry.
Step two:Dontanalyze it
Wait, what?
Quite the opposite, in fact.
Dont think about it.
Dont start creating stories, Guenther says.
In this step, you actively resist engaging in narratives commonly created around feelings.
Things like, I dont deserve this love or Im probably gonna screw this up, too.
Those thoughts just invite our brain to create more reasons to be fearful.
When you do this, yourethinkingyour feelings.
And the more you think about your feelings, the more your feelings are going to intensify.
Step three: Assess where the feeling is coming from in your body
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath and observe: Where is this feeling in your body?
Is it in your chest, belly, throat?
Remember: Were not here to create stories or intellectualize the feeling.
Literally just feel it.
If your brain needs something to do, objectively describe how it feels in your body.
My chest feels tight.
My toes are tingling.
My breath is shallow.
It could be healing energy, positive energy, it doesnt matter.
Just focus on the physical sensation.
I acknowledge this anger.
If youre not, like, in Target.
(Personally, Id add throw things, scream, and punch a pillow to this list.
Basically, whatever your body needs to do.)
Did it go from your chest into your jaw?
Is it weakening, or getting stronger?
Rather than reverting to thought-story mode, redirect your awareness to the feeling in your body.
In McDowells words, Let the feeling exist and trust that it will leave.
Once the feeling is more tolerable (weaker), consciously return your mind to the present moment.
Repeat ad nauseam until this process becomes second nature.
