Once you arrive at their place, have a good look around.
Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom to freshen up.
You probablydoneed to freshen up, so this is fine, and wont cause any alarm.
when you land the door shut and locked, get busy.
Did you go home with a short-haired man who has a paddle brush and leave-in conditioner in his drawer?
Or maybe a woman who has a beard trimmer plugged in on her counter?
Use judgement and common sense while you evaluate the personal items before you.
Their medications and private items are still personal.
Those arent what youre after, so dont even go there.
Dontassumetheyre cheating, but do stay alert.
The evidence will vary in every situation.
Is there a phone charger plugged in on the side of the bed where your partner doesnt sleep?
Pretend youre an investigator and youre looking for clues.
Physical items arent the only things that can raise suspicion.
As with anything in a romantic entanglement, trust your gut.
Yeah, everyone values their privacy, but they also value Instagram followers.
If your lover isnt telling you their handles, theres a reason.
I once caught a man who was cheating with me in exactly this way.
But in real life, when he wasnt with me, he did.
And she had no idea what he was up to when he slipped into his fake identity.
Once you do, its up to you how you handle the new information.
We had fun, almost.
If you decide to keep seeing the person doing the cheating, dont let yourself forget that.
Unless youre actively egging the cheater on, the blame for two-timing falls squarely on them.
That brings us to communication.
Honesty is always the best policy, and being informed and aware beats being suspicious and guarded every time.
Whether you have an arsenal of evidence or just an unfounded hunch, be direct.
(Yes, I sleuthed her number online, but that how-to is a story for another article.)
In fairness, I wasverydirect once the phony date got underway.
Dont punk out once you get them sitting across from you.
Its always better to have all the facts, even if they make you uncomfortable.
One thing led to another and they had sex.
Dont delude yourself or make up scenarios in your head if you do catch someone.
Give them the benefit of the doubt, sure, but once you see something suspicious, confront them.
Thats what Sarah did, and the keynote speaker was surprisingly honest with her.
He was completely deadpan about it, as if it was, like, normal, she recalled.
He was almost disgusted that I asked if they were open.
He said, No, definitely not, so I asked, You cheated?
He said yes, so I asked if it was the first time.
He tried to pretend it was and I got upset.
Then he admitted it wasnt and he told me about the other women.
I just didnt want to be the girl he ruined his marriage on.
Lets get one thing straight: If someone cheats with you, its notyouwho ruined the relationship.
Its them, full stop, and even then, the relationship might not be destroyed.
People talk through infidelity all the time.
(Heres how.)
Again, its up to you what you do after figuring out the big secret.
What matters most is thatyouknow and can make an informed decision.
Now get out there and be nosy.
