Its not easy to bring your relationship back to equilibrium after a major fight.
It might take some time to restore the romance and affection.
If youre in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship, thats one thing.
Sometimes you just need to knowwhen its time to call it quits.
Here are a few ways to bounce back after youve both decided the fight is over.
Either way, these jabs, as small as they may be, only prolong the nastiness.
Its easy to disguise these remarks as jokes, too.
Its important to be sensitive to the other person.
When the joking is one-sided rather than mutual, it undermines trust and goodwill and can damage the relationship.
Give them space
Give your partner space, but also take some space yourself.
After things get ugly, you might need some time alone to reflect, recover, or heal.
You might need tonotbe around your partner while the bulk of your negative feelings pass, and thats okay.
However, if your partner needs space and you dont, it can be disconcerting.
Clinging can also make things worse when that person needs to take a time out.
Reflect: Take the time to focus on your own thoughts and feelings, too.
Dont punish them: If your partner says he or she needs some time alone, respect that.
Dont take it personally and later withhold yourself as punishment.
I cant tell you how many people will think its better to say right away: Im sorry.
I was a jerk.
And the other person says, Yes, you were.
And then the argument escalates again.
Communicate productively
Its cliche, but communication really is key in any relationship.
For the well-being of the relationship, give up the need to drive home your point.
Dont be defensive
This goes hand-in-hand with the above.
If your behavior made your partner feel a certain way, give up your need to defend yourself.
This could keep the argument going.
Accept their feelings and consider the big picture.
This could be especially useful for more intense fights.
It may also be helpful to come to an agreement and set boundaries and rules for the future.
In reflecting on the fight, consider what you could do differently next time.
Dont introduce other topics until each is fully discussed.
No hitting below the belt.
Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability.
Accusations will lead others to focus on defending themselves rather than on understanding you.
Instead, talk about how someones actions made you feel.
They offer more guidelines inthe full post.
Overall, you want to see to it your post-argument communication is productive.
eHowexplains this:
Show a little love and caring by sharing sweet words and actions.
Relationships often experience hostility and resentment when one or both parties feel unappreciated or unloved…
This may not work as well if youre stillreallysteamed.
But its a good start if youre feeling stuck.
You dont have to pretend like nothing happened; its just a little nudge in the right direction.
In this case, it might be best to talk to a professional.
A counselor or therapistcan help you understandyour feelings and work through them in one way or another.
Also, check out our posts onhow to pick a couples therapistandwhat to expectwhen you start seeing one.
Recovering from a fight can take time.
Communication, understanding, and respect will do well to get your relationship back on track.
Updated 3/3/22 with new details.
