Most people are uncomfortable with the topic.
I hear responses like, Shouldnt my partner just know what to do?
or They cant possibly think Ilikethat.
But feedback is an essential part of a happy and healthy sex life.
It puts a ton of stress on your partner, not to know if youre liking what theyre doing.
If your partners focusing on you, they may be upset to receive no reaction whatsoever.
You may have experienced this yourself.
Have you ever hooked up with someone who was completely silent during sex?
Maybe they just laid there with a blank look on their face, or moved like a robot.
Maybe you felt like they would rather be doing their taxes in that moment.
Can you remember how anxious and self-conscious that made you feel?
Now: Do you also have a memory of a partner who was enthusiastic about communication?
Maybe they gave you compliments about your technique, or moaned, or made tons of eye contact.
These two kinds of experiences are night and day.
Feedback is especially important for survivors of sexual abuse.
If youve been abused in the past, it can affect your current sex life.
Certain acts, positions, or even words can trigger fear or anxiety.
The same goes for people who experience pain during sex.
You should never force yourself to silently endure discomfort or pain.
If thats what you think feedback is, it makes perfect sense that you dont want to give it.
Most of us wouldnt be able to write out directions for exactly what we want.
Youre noticing what theyre doing and sharing what your reaction is to their actions.
Feedback can be as simple as That feels good or Dont stop.
This is another huge challenge for many of us.
This takes some practice, but its an incredibly worthwhile goal to work towards.
I call this the post-sex wrap-up session.
Sometimes basking in the afterglow together can create a much more relaxed environment for exchanging feedback.
Or you’re able to try sounds, like moans, groans, or heavy breathing.
or Go a little harder.
you’ve got the option to even practice moaning if you want to get more comfortable with it!
Repeat those phrases over and over again until you start to feel more comfortable.
Repetition really is the key to getting more comfortable.
You may be able to brainstorm together about easier ways to communicate with each other during sex.
The more the two of you feel like a team, the easier youll find it to give feedback.
