We were in the Trader Joes parking lot.
My daughterwho was two at the timerefused to get into her car seat.
I tried coaxing her calmly, and then not calmly at all.
Soon, it was a scene.
People peered into my car, wondering what was going on.
I lied, my face hot and head dizzy.
Thats my most vivid memory of a public toddler tantrum, but its certainly not my only experience.
There was that one incident at the library.
And that other explosion at a birthday party.
Parents in theOffspring Facebook groupcommiserated by sharing their own war stories.
Epic meltdown in a toy store.
Beanie babies flying everywhere.
He even threw a glass of soda on the floor.
We were at a Pizza Hut.
My kid was 4, playing in his first soccer game.
He decided he didnt want to play, but refused to leave the field.
Instead he decided to protest by stripping buck ass naked right there while the game continued around him.
ensure theyre rested and fed.
Give them a rundown of the day so they know what to expect.
Let them have some choices.
But there will likely still be times when public tantrums happen.
What are you supposed to do right then and there?
(Your kid isnt broken.)
- Dont worry about what bystanders think.
(This is hard.
- Dont give into the thing that your kid wants.
(That simply teaches them that tantrums work.)
Beyond that, there are different ways to handle the situation.
When a tantrum happens in public, most parents panic.
Its like a slow-motion nightmare where all eyes are judgmental and suddenly on the parent.
For example, imagine the family is out at Target or a science museum.
The child sees something yummy or shiny and wants it.
When the child is told no, the tantrum ensues.
Here is when many parents make a crucial mistake.
They give in to the original demand or make some kind of a compromise.
This teaches the child that tantrums are effective ways of getting attention and something desirable.
Here is when many parents make a crucial mistake.
They give in to the original demand or make some kind of a compromise.
Instead parents should pretend to ignore the tantrum.
Avert the eyes, pay attention to other children or continue shopping.
Why throw a fit if nothing good comes of it?
There is one caveat.
For some people, that means leaving your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle and driving home.
For others, it means checking out quickly despite your embarrassment at the screaming kid under your arm.
Research has shown that parents and children synchronize breathing, heart beats and stress levels.
Youll just make the tantrum worse if you get worked up also.
Theres no learning that can happen when kids have gotten to the stage of a meltdown.
You cant talk them out of a tantrum.
Keep your words to a minimum.
You really wanted another turn on the slide!
Talk less, act more.
You might also offer empathy, or ask: Do you need a hug?
Sometimes that breaks the tantrums spell.
Whenever she started misbehaving, we packed up the food to go and headed out.
(It will get easier with practice, I promise!)
), then leave.
Just get out of there.
Yes, your plans will be disrupted, and its annoying, but what can I say?
Toddlers are an inconvenient truth.
(This happened to me during a Mothers Day brunch one year.
My then-three-year-old daughter saw an ant on the floor and completely lost it.
She was inconsolable and refused to leave with my husband.
I ate left-overs on the way home.
Toddlers are an inconvenient truth.
Is the kiddo legitimately hungry?
), then do whatever you have to so that survive.
We want parents to do four things.
- Stay calm.
), and only use punishment if the child becomes unsafe or starts to engage in destructive behavior.
- Tantrums are just moments.
When tantrums occur in public, parents feel the stares of passersby.
Its overwhelming, frustrating, and sometimes embarrassing, but these are just moments.
Public tantrums dont define our kids, and they certainly arent an indication of our parenting.
Visualize blocking out the peanut gallery.
That said, there are a few things parents can do in the moment.
Finally, do a calming exercise together.
Say, Lets blow up a pretend balloon together to let our mad feelings go.
Mine will be red with hearts, what will yours look like?
In a nutshell: empathize, acknowledge, calm.
The key to helping toddlers through tantrums is to meet their storms with your calm.
If your knee-jerk reaction is to panic and talk loud and fast, your toddler will experience increased stress.
