Maybe we felt nagged or criticized, so we clammed up or snapped back.
How do adult children learn how to better communicate with their mothers?
Dr. Deborah Tannen, author ofYoure Wearing That?
The message is the meaning that resides in the dictionary definitions of words.
Everyone usually agrees on this.
Emotional responses are often triggered by metamessages.
Mothers are masters of the metamessage, from dont you want to sleep in your big-kid bed?
to would you take out the trash after dinner?
If it feels like criticism it is also caring.
Still, framing criticism as caring is one way to take the sting out of certain types of metamessages.
Framing criticism as caring is one way to take the sting out of certain types of metamessages.
The second step, for many adult children, is finding the balance between connection and invasion.
Some adults love that their mothers can keep up with them on Facebook or text them throughout the day.
Part of this might have to do with the generation gap.
If someone shows you a photo you comment on it.
To quoteYoure Wearing That?
Sometimes learning how to communicate better with your mother is about setting boundaries.
Other people set boundaries by focusing conversations on shared interests: books, movies, shopping.
Tannen also suggests setting boundaries on methods of communication.
(For some people, theres less pressure to immediately respond to an email.)
Sometimes learning how to communicate better with your mother is about setting boundaries.
