This week, New York attorney general Eric Schneiderman was accused by four women of physical assault during sex.
All four women say they never consented to engage in these types of behaviors.
(Schneiderman has since resigned from his position.)
Heres what it’s crucial that you know to get it right.
Consent is Non-Negotiable
If you want to have sex with other people, you must practice consent.
More people have been casually engaging in kink and BDSM without properly doing their research.
In reality, consent is actually one of the hallmarks of kink and BDSM.
They understand that playing with pain and power dynamics requires great responsibility and care.
(More on this in a minute.)
If you want to properly engage in kink or BDSM, you must follow suit.
In other words, a lack of a no is not a yes.
Your partner must consent to every single activity that you engaged in together.
Saying yes to having intercourse doesnt imply that someone is also saying yes to being slapped in the face.
Your partner consents willingly, without pressure or coercion.
Consent can be revoked at any time.
Consent Can Be Sexy
Some people fear that having conversations about consent kills the mood.
But consent doesnt have to mean sitting down and drafting a legal contract with your partner!
It can be incredibly erotic to detail what you want to do to each other.
(And hey, if you find a contract erotic, more power to you.)
But its also important to recognize that theres a good amount of responsibility that goes along with being kinky.
Engaging in pain play and domination requires education and skill.
Choking is a good example.
Dont ask for consent for an activity that you dont know how to do safely.
If you start to suspect that your partner is uncomfortable, check in with them.
Ask how theyre doing.
Ask if they need anything from you.
Ask if they want to continue, or if they want to switch to something else.
At the end of the day, consent really isnt all that difficult.
