Kids are beautiful miracles, but damn, do they annihilate your sex life.
But there is hope!
Heres how to have a sex life when you have young kids.
Communicate
Communication is always important in a relationship, but its crucial for new parents.
Its far too easy for things to go unsaid, and frustration and resentment to build.
At a calm, private time, talk to each other about the challenges of maintaining a sex life.
Ask each other what you need so you can feel open to sex.
Like I mentioned above, you might each need wildly different things.
Anything thats a concern for one of you should be a concern for both of you.
Even when you cant come up with solutions, commiserate with each other about the challenges youre facing.
Communication may even extend to your children.
you could start talking to your children about the need for privacy and space.
you’re free to also talk to your kids about sex itself, inage-appropriate ways.
But your relationship needs that energy and attention to get to survive.
Some people use sex to connect, but other people need to feel connected so you can have sex.
double-check to schedule regular date nights.
And talk about something other than your kids during your date nights.
Your relationship needs some kid-free space.
Make a point of touching each other throughout the day - hugs, kisses, caresses.
In addition to being pleasurable, this prevents touch from becoming loaded.
So many couples stop touching in non-sexual ways.
Over time, touch starts to become associated with sex only.
You spend hours running around the house, then finally crash, exhausted.
Theres zero time for intimacy.
The reality is that there are always going to be chores.
Youre never going to feel like youre getting ahead when youre a new parent.
Try your best to prioritize spending some quality time together as soon as your kids hit the hay.
Who knows, you might even get a post-sex burst of energy and feel inspired to finish the dishes.
Hire a babysitter or send the kids to their grandparents.
Work with your partner to give each other some alone time every once in awhile.
And take a stab at get your kids to sleep in their own beds as often as possible.
If your child suddenly needs you, its not like youre going to be completely unavailable to them.
But fortunately, many of these challenges are actually quite manageable.
Play white noise or music to cover your sounds.
Adjust the screws on your bed frame so it doesnt squeak anymore.
Put a lock on the door.
One quick noteyou and your partner will have different concerns.
You might be not be nearly as worried about making noise as your partner is.
Youre going to have to be far more creative and far less picky.
Kids gone for 15 minutes?
Go to your bedroom immediately.
If your child passed out in your bedroom after a bad dream, go lock yourselves in the den.
Be open to a variety of sexual acts.
Maybe you just have time or the energy to make out, or to masturbate together.
Set up a kid swap with family, friends, or neighbors.
