Its absolutely okay for children to be naturally introvertedquiet kidspossess unique creative and intellectual talentsand have rich inner lives.
But what do you do when a child seems shy and fearful of the world outside her home?
While shes opened up tremendously over the past six months, my four-year-old daughter used to be very shy.
Heres what Ive learned so far.
Its safer not to show anything, so they retreat into a protective shell.
The shy label becomes an excuse for not developing social skills and a reason for not exercising them.
The Magic Words
So what can we say instead?
I often go with, Shes feeling quiet right nowwe all do sometimes, right?
They suggest saying, Hell join youwhen hes ready.
They tell a child that you respect his feelings and his need to go slowly.
They also let him know that hes in charge.
Hes not being pushed.
But the most important part is what youre not saying.
Youre not keeping him stuck in a role.
Dad said Im shy.
I must
be
shy.
Id better stay behind his legs where its safe.
Instead youre issuing an invitation.
Youre protecting him while hes feeling uncomfortable.
But the door is left wide open.
He can ease into the activities without fanfare, as soon as hes ready.
The readiness often comes quickly as soon as the pressure is removed.
Ill say, Youll meet Daddys cousins from Maryland and show her a picture.
Giving kids a limited number of choices help themgain confidence and a sense of control.
For quiet kids, theres power in twos.
Understand the Trait
To support quiet kids, parents need to learn how their brains work.
A great resource is theQuiet Revolutionwebsite, part of Susan Cains movement to empower introverts.
Understanding this gives me more patience.
