We had my sons fourth birthday party the day the Patriots beat the Falcons in the Super Bowl.
As everyone knows, thebad guys won that day.
My son got to eat chocolate cake, so the party wasnt ruined.
Still, he brings it up from time to time.
My kid isnt unique.
Maybe thats why we cant bear unhappy endings in make believe.
Welikebad, for a while.
Bad is cunning and sexy and charismatic.
Bad guys get big brains and cool cars and the best lines.
When the track leads into the gnashing teeth of the killer shark, its shocking.
Youre left dazed and hollow and stammering.
Thats not how its supposed to work.
The hero isnt supposed to die!
Evil isnt supposed to triumph!
You are cute little Fred Savage,livid at Grandpa Columbo.
This is a very bad idea.
For one thing, it does nothing to help the good guys.
Also, youd be harming your kid in the long run.
When she grows up and leaves the protection of your no-news zone, shell be unprepared to face reality.
Plus, its not fair to you.
The day of the Parkland shooting, I couldnt stop crying.
At such a time, stoicism would have made me crazy.
Most importantly, you might be robbing humanity of its next great freedom fighter.
Lord knows the good guys could use some help.
Here are a few ideas to teach your kids how to fight back when the bad guys win.
Give Space to Vent
When something bad happens, let your kids have a natural reaction.
Dont give subtle or overt cues that you disapprove of their sadness or frustration.
In situations like these, my daughter says she doesnt get sad.
So, she goes into her room and hits her pillow a few times.
I know thats not fair to my pillow, she says.
Im okay with it, as long as its a pillow shes hitting, and not her brother.
After the initial bursts of emotion, you could begin working on next steps.
But all the sadnessor angerhas to get out, to clear your mind.
Its no good holding back the tears or soothing too quickly.
Let them experience their feelings fully, without any timeline.
Older kids can write lists or journal entries, ordering their thoughts and creating concrete next steps.
These visualizations will give you clues about how to comfort them and lead the way forward.
Everyone likes a plan.
With any luck, their ideas will give you a little hope, too.
Put another way: We may be down, but were not out.
Our commitment to the cause hasnt wavered.
Rallying the troops is a good instinct.
But wheres the proof?
Look to the stories that come after the tragedy.
I also point to examples from history.
The people of the past who stood up against injustice provide a roadmap to the future.
Help Those Who Need It Most
Im an American white dude.
Me and my kids live free of the threats that afflict billions of other people around the world.
Websites likeVolunteer Matchand theUnited Wayare good places to start.
Play to your kids strengths.
My daughter likes cooking and reading, so soup kitchens and literacy organizations are good fits.
Note which groups and individuals are mentioned as offering help and reach out to them.
Balance personal enrichment with the common good on a two-to-one or one-to-one scale.
Speak Out
Battle against thebystander effectin large and small ways.
Let it get awkward.
Too often, people with an inclination toward tolerance are willing to tolerate hateful ideas.
Dont stop with Grandpa.
Attend city council meetings.
Call your elected officials.
Take your kids to rallies and marches.
In the small world of your home, its easy for them to feel beaten.
