Theres nothing new about sex parties.
Who should you invite to an orgy?
As the host, its your responsibility to keep your guests safe, and to make them happy.
This is probably not the time to find out if you vibe with someone new.
Instead, check that anyone you invite is within your social circle of trust.
At house parties…youre generally only there if youve been vouched for by somebody.
Youre either a friend of the host, or youre the date of a friend of the host.
First, are they even game for this sort of thing?
If so, how do genders and sexualities align?
Who are the people you know to be good at consent?
Who shows up on time; who follows through with others requests?
Ponante points out that the crowd at his sexy Saturnalias are surprisingly diverse.
Theres a through-line that goes through the punch in of people who would attend a sex party.
For lack of a better term, it is shame-resistance, he said.
Keep the guest list small, especially if the idea is to have a truly shared experience.
A sex party is almost never an actual free-for-all, Harris explains.
Dont throw a regular dinner party that youhopewill turn into an orgythat shit only works in porn movies.
And be straight with your guests about what they can expect right from the start.
Like, were going to watch porn together, or were going to read erotica together.
The pornification of sex parties is really a Hague-level crime, a U.N.-level crime, Ponante told me.
You dont have people screaming and just crying out at an orgy.
Dont go with a big pot of chili, for instance.
If youre not careful, everybody just brings dessert, Harris jokes.
We did catered bacon-wrapped something, or other little bits of protein.
Nothing garlicky, nothing too dairy.
Individually wrapped things, no deli platters or anything like that, Ponante added.
Mind-altering substances can loosen people up, but can also blur boundaries.
You try not to mix a lot of drugs and a lot of alcohol with orgies, Ponante said.
One, because theres a performance issue, and two, because there can be a consent issue…
I did white wine once.
Because everybody thinks thats a chick drink.
But white wine will give you a nice little buzz and it wont stain your teeth.
To theme or not to theme?
Whether you want to have a specific theme for your party beyond its going to be a freakingorgy!
really depends on who you roll with.
If you hang with historians, maybe a Roman orgy theme would work?
A final note: No matter the libations or decor, clean your house well.
Hire a maid if youre lazy.
No one wants to get down in a pigsty.
Im talking to the girls to say, Hey, thanks for grooving.
We would just make everybody as comfortable as possible.
attempt to avoid leaving socially awkward people alone, unless thats what they want.
Both Harris and Ponante suggested the possibility of pairing up greenhorns with experienced hands.
Group introductions are important
Breaking the ice is vital to a sex party.
Both Harris and Ponante suggested a group introduction.
This serves a dual purposeit makes your guests more comfortable, and puts things on a schedule.
Harris suggested a variation on the ancient sexy game spin the bottle.
Openness to new experiences is good, as is confidence.
Sex-positivity is a given.
Creepiness is a definite non-starter.
You are better off thinking, Im going to get my feet wet.
Im going to get a sense for this, she says.
Thats already a win.
So offer people snacks or pass the lube bottle.
According to Ponante, another key guest attribute is confidence.
Not braggadocio or anything like that, he said, but the understanding that youresupposedto be there.
Be prepared to go slow, Harris said.
There is no such thing as casual sex, Ponante explains.
As crazy or as spontaneous as a sexual encounter can be, its still fraught with meaning.
In the way that you want to see stuff happening in the ant colony.
You might walk out a different person than when you walked in.
