The pauses were excruciating.
My parents and I stared across the room at my chemistry teacher and his wife.
We smiled northern white Protestant smiles.
We had nothing to say.
I vowed that when I grew up, I would never settle for an awkward conversation.
I was entirely wrong.
Only the rude and the aggressive can blow through life without tripping into the occasional halting, awkward chat.
Ive learned three ways to revive a dying conversation when you cant just leave.
Ask questions
Im friends with a podcast host youve heard of.
He interviews people for a living, including people who at first seem boring.
But he always finds something interesting to pursue.
You cantonlyuse this trick, or else your conversation will start to feel like an interview.
Youre not filling out a form, youre making conversation, somakeit.
Actually a tiny town south of Rochester with one street light.
Called Lima, like the bean.
They had a lima bean festival!
you might answer a different way every time.
I dont want to talk about lima beans in every conversation.
Or I pivot to talking about San Francisco, where I lived for three formative years and miss fiercely.
Four of us were talking about New York neighborhoods, and how each one has gentrified.
Its a common conversation in New York, and soon we ran out of steam.
We forgot to prepare a pivot.
A pivot is a change of topic.
It isnt a leapcoming up with a new subject out of the blue.
Its better to branch off of something someone previously mentioned.
Thats where long answers to questions really pay off.
(Or have yet another chat about gentrification.)
Its better to pivot off what someone else said, rather than your own.
I have a bad habit of monologuing, digressing, then picking up my various digressions.
So when youre looking to pivot, see if you’re free to pivot selflessly.
Always remember: Everyone has something they can be interesting about.
Small talk is only boring until you find that thing.
