and Ill be all, Just put down Duck Guy, Sweets, everyone knows who I am.

(Baristas love it when you call them Sweets.)

It doesnt work, and the geesehateit (theywill bite you).

You cant take back imprinting.

You cant hand it off to someone else.

Learn yours before you do this.

Because capitalism is strange, consumer incubators are cheaper to buy than acquiring the parts to make your own.

They will cut out atonof work and are more likely to result in healthy ducklings.

Get some eggs.you’re able to buy mallard eggs online for very reasonable prices.

Even professionals who hatch eggs for a living only get about an 80% success rate.

For mallard eggs, you want a a temperature of 99.5F and 55% humidity.

Candle your eggs again.About a week into the process, inspect your eggs again.

Discard any that are clear or cloudy.Here are some pictures of healthy and unhealthy eggsto give you an idea.

Other than that, you could leave your eggs alone.

Enjoy the blessed Hatching Day!

Imprinting, meanwhile, is not that complicated.

Play them classical music.Studies have shownclassical music improves bird imprinting efforts.

(Im going with early Sabbath, thoughI want my ducklings to bebadasses.)

So makes sure they see only you.

Thats five to 10 years.

Imprintmoreducklings.There is no limit to the number of ducklings one can have imprinted upon them.

you’re free to become Lord of the Ducks!

Wait, there are almost certainly local laws that limit the number of ducks you might have.

Sorry, Lord of the Ducks.

But theyll still depend upon you.

On the plus side, ducks are good layers and their eggs are delicious.

On the negative side, theres basically everything else.

According to bothwildlife expertsandduck-aficionados, human-imprinted ducks identify with people for the rest of their lives.

They are not normal.

They wont be able to relate to their duck peers, and probably wont join a flock.

Instead theyll depend on you and whatever friends and family you have left for all social interaction and stimulation.

Youll have to keep them safe, fed, and entertained.

They will, in return, occasionally quack.

If they could talk, they might ask, Why have you done this to me?

They are high-maintenance pets.

They poop alot,and poopviolently.They poop every 15 to 30 minutes.

You (probably) cannot house train ducks.

Im not going to let that stop me, though.

I have a dream.

A dream, and hopefully soon, some ducklings.

They are the heating unit.

Turn the aquarium on its side.

You want a tape hinge so you’re free to open and terminate the door when needed.

The cord can just come through the door.

Put your wet sponge in the bread pan.

Turn on your lamp and wait until the thermometers settle on a reading.

Change the lightbulbs and wet the sponge until you get the temperature to 99.5F and 55% humidity.

You will have to constantly monitor this temperature and humidity throughout the hatching process.

Dont do any of this.

Buy an incubator instead.