Kids fall down a lot, and they hurt themselves a lot.
Its a feature, not a bug.
When youre a caregiver, every day of toddlerhood is a cringe-fest.
You feel like an extra in M.A.S.H.
Even through grade school, your days will be punctuated by spikes of adrenaline-fueled medical triage.
Theres no way to avoid it, but these tips will make things easier for you and your child.
Dont React
This is the big one.
And promptly ate shit.
Dont smile and yell that everythings going to be okay.
That rings false to everyone, even little kids.
Instead, let your features be a mask of indifference.
Proceed with all deliberate speed to your fallen child, murmur calming phrases, and give them a hug.
Hugs do so much.
Your kid will instantly feel safer, relieved to be held in your embrace.
If youre prepared, youll be calmer.
Ive treated scrapes, bruises, insect bites, splinters, goose eggs and broken fingers.
All of those hurt less after a bowl of ice cream.
But you cant carry ice cream everywhere!
Youcancarry a first aid kit, though.
The prepackaged ones are useless, apart from the plastic box they come in.
Pop that sucker in your backpack (youre not using a diaper bag, are you?)
and bring it with you every time you leave the house.
Even if youre just taking a walk around the block!
Any time youdonthave your first aid kit, your kid will go full Evel Knievel.
Consider signing up for a first aid class.
Spend a little more, and take a CPR class, also.
Pay Attention
Look, playground time is Facebook time.
Do not do thisor, at least dont do it for very long.
If youre actually watching your kid, then the moment they fall down wont be a surprise.
You wont be panicked by a scream because youll have watched them stumble in the wood chips.
Youll know their hysterics are only for the sake of drama.
Finally, if youre watching, then youre witnessing.
Desensitize
This tip is for parent and child alike.
Wiping out is frightening, and fear makes the pain worse.
But if you get used to wiping outexperiencing it over and over againthen its not so scary.
(The lie to this truism is my eternally shrieking mother, but she was exceptionally stubborn.)
You should arrange for your child to child fall down.
Let me be clear: Do not abuse your kid.
Do not throw them off the roof or off a cliff or out of a car.
But take them roller skating.
Go to a trampoline park.
Set up a backyard obstacle course.
Every once in a while, push them over (gently).
I still do this.
She yelped in surprise, then laughed because it was hilarious.
Her little brother got so tickled he could barely talk.
To get up, brush themselves off, and rejoin the game.
Sooner or later, your kid will fall when youre not around.
