How to Order at Starbucks So Baristas Don't Judge You

Heres a guide from me to you.

But if youre a regular customer,its probably worth it.

Of course, if youd rather just order in person, thats perfectly all right.

But I have a few tips if you do soand some pitfalls I want to help you avoid.

Heres a quick overview:

Short: One shot of espresso; two pumps of syrup.

Tall: One shot of espresso; three pumps of syrup.

Grande: Two shots of espresso; four pumps of syrup.

Venti (hot): Two shots of espresso; five pumps of syrup.

(Note that the amount of espresso is the same as a grande.

Itll have less milk, sugar and caloriesand itll probably cost a little less.)

Venti (iced): Three shots of espresso; six pumps of syrup.

Trenta: Seven pumps of syrup.

(Starbucks doesnt serve espresso beverages in this size.)

Or maybe ask for a different kind of syrup altogether.

Well, youarebeing a pain, but no more so than almost everyone around you, so order away.

So, if you say Vanilla latte with six pumps.

Instead, say, Iced grande six-pump vanilla latte.

(Unless thats really your namein which case, best of luck to you.)

Secret menus, in general,arent real.

They will hate you.

Instead, youd order a nonfat pumpkin spice latte with no whipped cream.

Dont say, Is this mine?

The person who made your drink is not the person who took your order.

If you say, Is this my drink?

the baristawill not know.

Look at the damn cup!

Your orderand also probably your nameis written on it!

Thats how the barista made it!

Give the barista some space.

It has never been funny.

This story was originally published in 2019 and updated with new information on 3/3/2020.