We all lose our shit with our kids sometimes.
This doesnt make us bad parents; its just part of life with little ones.
No matter how often they happen, parental meltdowns dont feel good.
How we respond to ourselves and our family members in the aftermath of a rough moment matters.
Get calm
The first step is tocalm down.
To be clear, even if your meltdown has ended, you may not yet be calm.
So, as I tell my kids all the time, you worry about yourself.
This sort of thinking is neither necessary nor helpful.
Dont you dare venture to engage your kids until you have taken care of yourself.
Instead of berating yourself, try cutting yourself some slack.
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend.
You dont have to be a perfect parent to be a good parent.
you could always, always start over.
First, curiosity is an inherently kind approach, so you might just sneak some compassion in there.
Think about the last time someone was genuinely interested (and not at all judgmental) about your experience.
It felt good, right?
So how about you treat yourself the same way?
What am I feeling?
Whats happening in my body?
In need of food, water, caffeine, or a bathroom break?
What else is going on in my life?
How can I calm myself down?
What do I need right now?
What do my kids need?
Why are they pushing my buttons?
Are they tired, hungry, or getting sick?
Are they dealing with any major transitions or developmental milestones?
Who can I text or call for help or a break?
Apologize
Once youre back on solid ground, you might apologize to your kids.
Yep, you’re able to.
Heres how to do it:
- Take responsibility for your behavior.
Own your role in the situation, whatever it was.
Say youre sorry.
Make a plan for moving forward, even if just for the next few hours.
Explain what youre going to do differently, and how it will help.
- Donotpromise that youll never lose your temper again.
You know thats not true, and so do your kiddos, so dont say it.
Heres what this might look like: Im sorry I yelled at you.
I felt frustrated when you didnt put your shoes on.
But yelling wasnt a good choice, and I apologize.
you might absolutely say youre sorry without undermining your own authority or upending the power dynamic in the family.
So, there you have it.
From there, youll be ready to reconnect and redirect.
Oh, and dont worry if this seems hard at first.
Chances are youll have plenty of opportunities to practice.
