People love to guess.

I tend to take it in stride.

Its harmless for the most part.

I also used to enjoy it.

But then it suddenly becameveryannoying.

Guessing feels offensive when an individual bases it solely off physical attributes or the way I talk.

To be clear, its not always an insulting question.

In fact, its often not.

Plenty of people ask me without underlying assumptions.

But I often struggle with how to deal with it and any other similar questions or remarks.

How exactlyshouldyou react to a question like this as a person of color?

On a more visible end, its as blatant as being ignored.

Every time you take a stab at express your opinion, people talk over you.

They dont give you space to put your ideas forward.

Youre not important unless it comes from the mouth of a white person or a man.

He said to ask yourself three questions when dealing with an offensive comment:

1.

Whats your objective in the situation?

(Is there something youll need from them in the long-term, like a raise from a supervisor?)

How important is this relationship with this person to you?

Does this compromise your own self-respect and self-dignity?

Yes, self-dignity in exchange for a raise a can feel like an enormous hit to your self-esteem.

But youcanchoose to confront it.

Address it

If you choose to tackle someones question or remark (good on you!

), Gaztambide doesnt recommend you retaliate with aggressionif you do, your point may get lost.

Instead, your strategy should be to remain firm, but allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest.

Theyre not going to really hear the message of what youre trying to say.

But when people feel that youre coming from a vulnerable place, thats actually going to elicit more empathy.

Ask questions or comment on the behavior instead of on the person youre communicating with.

Youre not looking after their feelings, he added.

Youre just trying to be really true in that moment and how that affected you.

Even just looking up [stories] online, Gaztambide added.

Confirm for yourself youre not alone having this experience.

That leads to a lot of anxiety, a lot of depression, you dont know what to do.

And if youre asking someonetheirethnicity, its simplecontext matters.

Is this relevant to the conversation were having?

Am I being intrusive in asking this question?

Are there microaggressive assumptions Im making (this person isnt a real American, etc)?

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