The Fighter

What spirit your little one has!

But raising a little Fighter can wear you down.

Strike out by bringing up a particularly painful memory or or trying to destroy something important to you.

Seek power by making you feel worse than they do.

Overpower the situation with relentless negativity.

You might react by being defensive, surrendering to what they want, or giving a harsh punishment.

Instead, try one of these tactics:

Slow down and dont react right away.

give a shot to understand the Fighter is acting out of a lack of emotional control and perspective.

Put some physical space between yourself and the Fighter.

Listen and express your desire to understand how they feel.

Blaming you or someone else.

Arguing to defend themselves, possibly to the point of not allowing 2-way communication.

You may react to the Deflector by engaging in debate, getting frustrated, or surrendering.

Instead, try this:

Ask yourself if there is anything to gain from engaging in argument.

If not, say, I do not want to argue.

We can agree to disagree.

Take a timeout if you feel frustrated or angry.

Come back to the discussion when you both are calmer.

They act out by:

Physically isolating their bodies by covering their ears or balling up to avoid interaction.

Walking away from the situation.

Deflecting by yelling or not listening.

You may understandably feel confused or frustrated or take a stab at coax them to engage.

Tell them you want to help and are willing to communicate by listening to each other.

Be patient as they progress from big emotions to being able to communicate calmly.

Try humor to connect and lighten the mood.

No Way

When they take on this character, your child is essentially a breathing STOP sign.

They react by:

Ignoring directions or appearing absorbed by something else so they dont hear what youre saying.

Delaying action or saying they will do it in a minute.

Direct refusal to comply.

You might react to No Way behavior with coercion, punishment, or yelling.

Notice if feeling disrespected is causing you to engage in a power struggle.

Instead, react with predetermined consequences for refusing to comply.

Wait a minute and then calmly repeat the request.

They cant break away from generally negative responses.

They are unable to complete simple, everyday tasks due to low motivation.

Acknowledge and address the underlying cause.

Remind them you want to help.

Take a time-out to let irritability simmer down.

Look for this behavior:

Inflexibility and unwillingness to see your position.

Repeating the same response so communication is impossible.

Stubbornness and wanting to argue.

Naturally, you may want to engage in the argument, feel exasperated, or avoid the situation.

or I dont think about this in the same way that you do.

Can I tell you what I think?

Express that you want to understand and restate their feelings.

Use a Venn Diagram to show them how your differing viewpoints also share some common ground.

You might also be the reason communication is breaking down in stressful parenting situations.