The phrase scheduled sex evokes dread for most couples.
But scheduled sex actually be way more fun than you think.
As time goes on, life catches up.
For many couples, scheduling sex is the only way to ensure that they actually have sex.
Yes, its sad to recognize how complicated it can be to make the space for sex.
Its a way of showing you and your partner that you value your sex life.
We schedule the things that are important to us.
Why should sex be any different?
And keep in mind that scheduling sex doesnt mean youll never have spontaneous sex again.
If you like consistency, you may want to agree that Fridays are always your day for doing it.
If your schedule is always in flux, I recommend planning your sex dates one at a time.
You may want to talk about scheduling right after youve just had sex.
Thats a perfect time to plan, since youre riding the high of your most recent rendezvous.
Thats why I encourage couples to create a bare minimum agreement.
Pick one activity that feels totally manageable to you.
It might be something like masturbating side by side or cuddling naked together.
When you make a sex date, youre agreeing to a bare minimum of a specific activity.
If you feel like doing more, thats great!
If not, youll still have an opportunity to connect.
When youre dating someone new, youre still planning sex, just in a different way.
Having a date on the calendar actually creates an incredibly sensual anticipation.
you could bring back that element of anticipation.
Get gussied up for each other like you used to before your dates.
Fantasize about your date throughout the day.
Send flirty texts or emails.
Do whatever you used to do to get yourself worked up.
Turn It Into a Game
For some reason, people equate scheduled sex with boring sex.
But it certainly doesnt need to be!
For example, sex positions, toys, role-playing scenarios, and so on.
you could also include things youve never tried before, but have been curious about.
Fold up all of the slips and put them in a jar.
The morning of your sex date, pull one out at random.
Then youll have all day to plan and anticipate it.
Or you’re able to make your selection in the moment itself for a sexy surprise.
it’s possible for you to also play with gamification.
Try Different Activities
Another fun way to play is to mix up your usual sexual repertoire.
If you typically default to intercourse, try creating themed sex dates where intercourse is off the table.
you might even create theme days, like oral sex on Thursdays or mutual masturbation on Saturdays.
Take Turns Being in Charge
Take turns taking the lead on your sex dates.
Ask your partner what conditions they like to have in place in order for sex to feel enjoyable.
Taking turns in this way helps you each feel cared for and seduced.
Schedule date nights out, new activities, or just quality alone time together.
Thank Each Other
Maintaining an active sex life takes a lot of work!
Its important for you and your partner to acknowledge and thank each other for that work.
Be specific about how that effort made you feel.
For example, I feel so close to you when we carve out this time for each other.
We all love being recognized and validated for our efforts.
