She buys groceries, I do the laundry.

My easiest chore is setting the table.

It takes about one minute and she has to remind me every time.

The problem isnt the task itself; its keeping it in mind.

This creates a kind ofcontinuous partial attentionthat takes up energy and raises stress.

It also creates an invisible hierarchy where men feel like employees running afoul of the boss.

Men often fail to appreciate or share this invisible management job.

Anticipate needs

Part of the solution is simply raising your awareness.

Dont just do the laundrymonitor the hamper and take the initiative to run a load.

Examine when your tasks usually need to be done, and plan ahead for them.

Im learning to set the table an hour ahead of time.

Write it down

I have a short attention span and a bad memory.

Thankfully, I also have a smartphone.

Automate it

Turn your phone into your manager and eliminate the mental load altogether.

Add alarms to those calendar events.

Set location-based notifications that remind you, when youre passing the drugstore, to stop in.

Outsource it

A wave of apps has made it even easier to outsource chores likelaundryanddog-walking.

Learn the skills

Some chores end up in one persons domain according to ability or interest.

My wife loves to cook, so I never learned.

Usually this works, but when shes sick or busy, the system breaks down.

Next time your partner handles their chore, ask them to teach you.

Just because one of you provides the health insurance doesnt mean the other cant manage it.

Most popular password managers provide shared vaults for all this data.

Prepare to handle phone calls for each other too.

(Some require a signature in advance.)

Share the login for streaming services so you’re free to manage family playlists and queues.

Hold a family meeting

A lot of mental loads stay invisible until the responsible partner speaks up.

Unfortunately, that often happens during a fight.

Fend off conflict by regularly discussing upcoming responsibilities in a friendly, info-sharing context.

Sunday evening is a great time to discuss your upcoming week and swap certain responsibilities.

Hand off some mental load by teaching them to self-manage.

This management-only outsourcing even helps kids learn how to cook before theyre old enough to do dangerous tasks themselves.

More on mental health and online therapy from G/O Medias partner.